Drifting

Sunday, 5 August 2018 09:47 pm
apollymi: Stitch looking shocked and dismayed, text reads "Oh noes!" (L&S**Stitch: Oh Noes!)
I keep almost drifting off all damn day. It’s sad making, because I wanted to spend some time just enjoying my Sunday off, but nope, apparently, that’s not really going to happen. Granted, I’m pretty sure most of it is down to not sleep well last night, because I just couldn’t get down, but part of it is just going to be related to the work week... As in I tend to try to catch up on most of my sleep over the weekend, but I don’t think I’m ready to sacrifice my entire weekend to the cause. Or at least the greater part of my Sunday.

Things I still haven’t done yet: go grocery shopping, move the third litter box to the hall, eat real food at some point in the weekend, write more than a wee bit, batch made some meals for lunches, etc. Things I have managed to get done: kitty love love time, talk to Mum, edit some of the stuff I wrote over Camp, etc.

I’m going to read a bit more, and then I’m going to go on to bed. I’m not, strictly speaking, sleepy, but I’m tired. Hopefully that will translate to falling asleep once I’m horizontal.

Week

Thursday, 2 August 2018 10:42 pm
apollymi: Typewriter and paper, text reads "Fanfic writer" (My Writing: Fanfic Writer)
It's only Thursday, but it's been a long week this week. I am going to be so damn glad when it's over tomorrow afternoon. (Yes, I am solely referring to the work week right now. Everything else is an entirely different kettle of fish.)

I feel so freaking drained, that I've honestly been looking forward to Friday at 5:15 since around... Monday or Tuesday. I need some "nap to recover from a writing month" time... and I only managed 31,000 words. But it was a pretty solid 31k, and I'm happy with it. I started something new. (Yes, again.)

I blame/thank [personal profile] sharpest_asp. The post about The Darkest Night gave me that list of tropes to play with. And apparently, I can be cruel to my characters.

And that's it. Bed now. [personal profile] katsuko is already snoring on the other end of the couch. Good night, my freaky darlings!

August

Wednesday, 1 August 2018 10:53 pm
apollymi: Grover sitting on a cow, text reads "I'm on a cow" (SS**Grover: I'm on a cow)
I never thought I would say it, but I’m glad that Camp is over for the month. I’m oddly not looking forward to NaNoWriMo this year, and I think that’s just because I’m feeling hella overwhelmed. Of course, that might change between now and November. I’m not sure how it could at this point, but it might.

That said, I’m going to go throw myself at my bed, I think, and try to grab some actual sleep instead of passing out on the end of the couch. Later, all.
apollymi: Manic look Ninth Doctor, text reads "I solemnly swear I'm up to no good" (DW**9th Doctor: Up to no good)
Well, I did it. I made it through Camp NaNoWriMo for another month. I had my goal set to 30,000, and I did manage to achieve that at least. I didn’t get much beyond that, but I hit my goal and that’s what I’m going with. I can live with anything at this point.

I got some nice compliments from the STEPs today. I always appreciate those. Like “you make terrible a lot easier” and “I appreciate coming out and seeing you smiling, I makes me feel more at ease” and so forth. I’m not sure if it would do any good to start inviting them to say these nice things on their survey at the end, so that my job continues to be safe... and so it is shown clearly that my habit of being as friendly as possible with the candidates is noticed by at least a few.

But I’m exhausted, so I’m going to go on and throw myself at my bed. Good night, all.
apollymi: Zack looking confused, text reads "WTF?" (FF7**Zack: WTF?)
I’m hot and tired and cranky and hungry and thirsty. And there’s not a lot I can do about any of them. We’re running distinctly low on food at the house that isn’t for the cats. Oh, we have a few things here and there, mostly junk food and things that can be used with things we don’t have to make food. And what we do have isn’t exactly suitable for a late night meal. It’s meant to be a filling dinner, and that’s about it.

I think I’m finally caught back up on Camp NaNoWriMo, thanks to doing nearly 2200 words today. Granted, most of it was stupidly painful stuff, which is usually a good sign that I’m about to be on the rag. That does tend to be right about the time I torture my characters the most. Whoops.

Anyway, work starts back tomorrow, so I’m going to go throw myself at my bed and see what happens. Good night, all.
apollymi: Steve & Danny hugging, text reads "Stop breaking my fucking heart" (H50**Steve/Danny: Stop breaking my ❤)
Well, I did the dentist thing this morning. I do have to say that it was most a consultation… one that involved a lot of X-Rays and such being taken, including one of my whole damn head. Apparently, this is going to involve less work than Mum feared but a whole lot more than I was anticipating. I will need to have oral surgery to remove 12 impacted or broken teeth, several of which have some level of infection around them. After that, I’ll need to get a temporary partial denture. Once my mouth has healed some from that, I’ll get a permanent partial denture. After my mouth has healed some from that, I’ll have to get at least four cavities filled and one root canal with a crown.

Now supposedly, my insurance will cover a large portion of this. The out of pocket expense for me, though, is going to be $2700 up to the partial denture part of that. I might have to wait until the next insurance year starts to get the rest of this done, because otherwise, it’s going to be all out of pocket. A good half of the ones I’m looking at now will be out of pocket, because my annual maximum is $1500. (Yes, my dental insurance literally has a maximum I can spend. WTF?)

Other than that, it’s been a relatively quiet day. I’m not sure what else to say. That’s been my sticker shock going on all day.

Anyway, I’m going to go throw myself at my bed and hope for sleep. If not sleep, then at least do some more writing. I’m not going to hit my goal of 2,000 words tonight, but maybe I can get a bit closer to being caught up. Either way, good night, all.
apollymi: Quentin Collins on a dark green background, one eyebrow raised, no text (DS**Quentin: Oh really? (eyebrows))
So continuing the work theme, we’re being monitored on the cameras by the DM and by various folks at corporate. We failed a secret shop, as well as a day when they were watching the cameras, so now they’re monitoring us very closely. So until they’re satisfied with us, we have to go balls to the wall with making sure we’re doing everything. Which means no more writing at work… or very, very limited writing at work.

I need another series to be working on like I need a hole in the head, but I’m playing with a dark ‘verse, specifically a dark verse with powers. Apparently there’s a yearly Big Bang fic exchange kind of thing where you can be prompted from a series of prompts to write for someone. I don’t know; I’ve never done fic exchanges. But my brain sat up and said ‘yes please’ when I saw the list. So now I might have an OT4, dark powers verse. Because again, of course I needed another verse to play with. I’m just hoping I can make it carry me through to the end of the month, because I’m seriously, seriously running around.

And that’s it: I’m too tired to brain anymore. I’m gonna go throw myself at my bed and hope for a bit of sleep before it’s time to go to work again tomorrow. (I’m so ready for the weekend that I could just about scream.) Good night, all.
apollymi: Duo, lowering sunglasses to look out, text reads "Don't fear the reaper" (GW**Duo: Don't fear the reaper)
I wish I could think of something to say today. I'm tired, I'm cranky, I'm hot, and I’m ready to just pass the fuck out where I sit. I’m hungry, and that’s certainly not helping with the cranky. It’s just so hot, and by the time I finally got hungry, it was nearly 10:30 at night, which I deemed to be too late to cook for one, while [personal profile] katsuko is at work. So I’ve had two tablespoons of peanut butter and some Diet Doctor Pepper since the train ride home, so… 5:00? 5:30? And while I am indeed very hungry, I don’t want to eat this close to going to bed. It seems like a good way to guarantee an upset stomach during the remainder of the night or in the morning.

And obviously today has been a shit writing day. I did get a good deal handwritten, but I managed a severe case of feline paralysis earlier and was unable to go get the handwritten from my purse. So it’ll have to count for tomorrow’s word count. Because me? I’m going the fuck to bed now. Good night, all.
apollymi: Trunks sneaking a glance off to the side, no text (DBZ**Trunks: Corner of my eye)
It has been been a napless Saturday. I know: shocking, right? Instead I did some reading that I’ve been putting off, I cuddled some kitties, and I did a little bit of writing, though not nearly as much I wanted or needed to in order to get caught up for the month. It’s just that the first part of the month was spent in so much pain, and by the time when it was over, I was just so far out of it to be able to concentrate on making words make sense. That I kept making journal entries was somewhat surprising. And now getting caught up just feels too daunting. But I’m not stopping. Not yet.

Boo has surprisingly spent the entire day out here with me. Surprising, yes. Unwelcome, hell no. There were not slap fights between her and Luci. And once Luci started backing away every time that Boo hissed, they’ve started getting along a whole lot better. And it was nice having her out here for visits.

But that’s all I’ve got. I’m too tired for more. Later, all.
apollymi: Ginji in taro/chibi mode with teary eyes (GB**Ginji: *wibble eyes*)
Another open to close shift out of the way. Hopefully, it’s going to be my last one this week. It does mean, however, that I have two hours and thirty minutes of extra time to worry with for this week. Tomorrow, apparently, I’ll be opening again. Glenda should be back on Thursday, which is good. I’ll be oddly glad to be shed of these mornings. I feel too much like I’m walking on eggshells, especially since Richard and Anastasia are always nearly at each other’s throats. And that’s when they aren’t speaking: it’s even worse when they are exchanging words.

I have a very sweet Boo-berry sitting on the couch next to me. On the other side of Boo is an unconscious [personal profile] katsuko. I guess the latter is no surprise, but it’s still so nice having Boo-berry joining us out in the living room. We haven’t been getting enough of that since Luci came to live with us around this time last year.

I think I’m going to have to admit to defeat on today also on Camp. It’s just not a good day for writing, not when I feel like I’m going to pass out where I’m sitting. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe. We’ll see.

So, in that case… I’m ending the night with 811 words for the day and 15,814 out of 30,000 for the month. I am running behind schedule and am not on track to complete on time.
apollymi: Typewriter and paper, text reads "Fanfic writer" (My Writing: Fanfic Writer)
Work today was a little closer to “same old, same old”. I’m not sure how I’m feeling on that: if I’m happy that things are getting back to normal, or if I’m miffed because that means I’m having to put up with the Queen of Mood Swings herself. Like I said, it could go either way.

I wanted to make words happen today, but that didn’t go so well. I just can’t keep my brain in gear for longer than a couple of minutes at the time, probably thanks to the Tramadol. Right now, I’m not too terribly upset, because I’m really enjoying being 99% pain-free for the first time in years. I wish it didn’t make me so tired at night and then hungover in the morning because the whole pain-free thing is damn nice.

I just also would like to be pain-free, not hungover, and able to write. Said like that, it seems a little selfish, huh? I want to not hurt, not feel like I’m in a daze and might fall asleep standing up, and be able to write, all at once.

I have seven characters in search of a book arc, and it’s making me a little nuts. I know the genre, I know most of the characters, but I have no idea on what kind of stories to give them. Because right now, I’m leaning towards wanting to make a trilogy of sorts out of the three sibling characters. But I need a starting place. I need a plot. I know one will eventually come to me, but it can’t happen soon enough.

Finally... I’m ending the night with 617 words for the day and 11,940 out of 30,000 for the month. I am (roughly) on schedule to complete on time.
apollymi: Newt, Hicks, & Ripley checking blueprints, text reads "Family" (Aliens**Hicks/Ripley+Newt: Family 2)
Jesus fuck. I can’t decide if the ibuprofen just isn’t working as well in small doses anymore or if I’m actually hurting more and worse the longer this goes on with my teeth. I seriously cannot wait for my doctor’s appointment tomorrow. I have a freaking list of things I want to talk to Dr. Randall about, and that’s pretty high up on that list. (It also includes possibly changing my antidepressant, how bad my hands are, and that damned rash. I’ve also got a lump on my leg that I want her to look at.)

Glynda was back today... and she was in a right mood for it. Between that and the teeth and my hands, it has been a pretty damn miserable day. I think I’m ready for it to be over now.

Finally… I’m ending the night with 758 words for the day and 9,636 out of 30,000 for the month. I am (roughly) on schedule to complete on time.
apollymi: Kyo and Yuya with Kyo's sword, black background, no text (SDK**Kyo/Yuya: Still of the night)
What a miserable day it has been. Not bad. Not really. But it’s been miserable simply because of how much I’ve been hurting. There has been a throbbing pain in my jaw that goes all the way up to my temple and into my ear, and I’ll be damned if it’s possible to concentrate on anything with that going on. I spent part of Thursday and Friday trying to get in touch with a dentist, and I guess I’m going to have to keep trying on Monday.

But at least I have an appointment with my regular doctor on Tuesday, so maybe I can see about picking up some antibiotics ahead of a dentist appointment, so we can get straight to the nitty gritty of what needs to be done: extractions, I’m sure, but I’m not certain if it will be followed by implants or dentures. I’m almost hoping for the latter.

Mostly I’m just hoping not to be in pain anymore.

Finally… I’m ending the night with 784 words for the day and 8,878 out of 30,000 for the month. I am (roughly) on schedule to complete on time.
apollymi: Doujinshi art, Roy & Ed, no text (FMA**Roy/Ed: These quiet moments)
What a lazy ass Saturday. I ended up having just enough pain in my teeth that I didn’t do a whole lot of anything, mostly just playing Merge Dragons and Yahtzee with Buddies. Mostly Merge Dragons, because that game is stupidly addictive.

Sadly, I don’t think I have anything else to say for myself for today. I feel like I could eat a horse... so long as said horse was soft and didn’t require a lot of chewing because my teeth. And that’s actually it. But a small update first.

I’m ending the night with 1,400 words for the day and 8,094 out of 30,000 for the month. I am (roughly) on schedule to complete on time.
apollymi: Usagi holding Luna, Artemis, and Diana, no text (BSSM**Usagi: Kitties!)
It has not been a good writing day today. It’s been a fantastic day for pain, but apparently, pain and creativity are not happy bedfellows. I might even go so far as to say they hate one another. I have it to a semi-controlled state right now, but I think that it’s going to be just enough for going to bed, not for staying up and writing. Which is a huge pain, because I wanna stay on top of my word count and not let it get away from me this year. But on that same note, I’ve lowered my word count goal to 30,000.

I’m ending the night with 879 words for the day and 4,290 out of 30,000 for the month. I am (roughly) on schedule to complete on time.
apollymi: Trunks staring off in the middle distance, no text (DBZ**Trunks: Sentinel)
Blegh. I feel rough. The same couple of teeth are still throbbing like hell. I tried to make an appointment with the dentist Anastasia recommended, but they don't have any afternoon appointments and I have no idea when I'll be able to get in for a morning appointment. It's going to be interesting, that's for certain. It's amazing how difficult work makes life sometimes.

Writing has gone pretty all right today. Not as great as I was hoping, but right now, being in near constant pain does make concentrating a little difficult. In fact, truth be told, it makes writing difficult as hell. But I have banged these characters' heads together until they cooperated, and thus words have happened. Not as many as I want, but again, beggars can’t be choosers.

At least I have Wednesday off work. I think I’m going to spend the day on the couch, sans pants, and possibly not even move at all if I can help it. Yeah, that sounds damn good.

I’m ending the night with 1,728 words for the day and 3,411 out of 50,000. I am on schedule to complete on time.
apollymi: Stitch holding his head in pain, no text (L&S**Stitch: Headache)
Wow, that's a mouthful of a subject line.

It's been a hell of a lazy day. I managed to reach an equilibrium of pain versus life for parts of the day, but not enough to actually get some napping in. Mostly I just sort of drifted, hurting too much to sleep but not so much as to want to bang my head on something until I passed out. I called it a fragile balance. I might as well call it 'my papier mâché head' because that's about what it's felt like.

Writing-wise, I feel like I'm off to an all right start. Nothing too fancy, but given what I'm working up against, I think it's respectable. That said, I wouldn't be upset if I managed a higher number for my tomorrow.

For now, though, I feel tired enough and sore enough and possibly cranky enough to go throw myself at my bed. It has been calling my name for hours now, and I think I might be at a point where I can get some kind of sleep.

I'm ending the night with 1,683 words out of 50,000. I am on schedule to complete on time.

So tired

Friday, 29 June 2018 11:18 pm
apollymi: Stitch holding his head in pain, no text (L&S**Stitch: Headache)
It was Friday today, but I can't say I really got to enjoy it, thanks to my teeth hurting like mad pretty much all day. And oh gods, how the itching has come back. I'm about ready to take another Benedryl and go throw myself at my bed, since words aren't really exactly coming. I always have a hard time writing on pain days.

I did manage a rather piss poor showing of words, but since it'll be July in a couple of days and therefore JulNoWriMo/Camp NaNoWriMo, I'm not too concerned right now.

And that's it. I'm done for.

Survival

Tuesday, 1 May 2018 11:09 pm
apollymi: Faraday and Vasquez fighting back to back, no text (Mag7**Vasquez/Faraday: Shootout)
I made it through Camp NaNoWriMo April edition with 50,208 words... and yet I still ended up writing over 1700 words for the day today. Because apparently brain does not cut off mid-porn too well.

Unsurprisingly, Glynda left work early today, supposedly "sick". We have reached that point in the year again. And of course she's already scheduled to leave early on Thursday and be gone on Friday. No shocker there.

Anyway, I'm ridiculously tired and ready to crash. I am not, however, ready to go do it again all over again tomorrow. Too bad I have to anyway.

Good night, all.

So... close...

Monday, 30 April 2018 11:44 pm
apollymi: Jean Grey as the Phoenix, surrounded in flames and smirking, no text (XMen**Phoenix: The bitch is back)
I am so freaking close to being done with Camp for the month. It seems like this one has been harder on me than previous WriMos... but I think I say that every time. I've had a lot more days where I end up writing nonsense because my words are broken. I think yesterday's journal entry might have fit that bill, and I know I ended up rewriting the same 400 or so words a good three or four times yesterday, because they made progressively less sense the further I went. (In fact, I ended up having to fix a lot of it on the train today, because really, it made no sense at all.)

Another of my teeth broke a bit more. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't one of my front teeth, and now it's embarrassing. But I was playing on the dental insurance website, and even though they cover 80% of the cost, getting dentures would still be a whole lot of money. Not as much as implants, apparently, but still a lot.

I'm just tired of being in pain and looking terrible. That starts with my teeth and goes to my weight and then on to the fibromyalgia and everything else. I'm just tired. I'm just tired of everything.

Anyway, wholly depressing thoughts aside, I'm going to try to get the last few hundred words done, so I can go throw myself at my bed. Good night, all.