apollymi: Duo, lowering sunglasses to look out, text reads "Don't fear the reaper" (GW**Duo: Don't fear the reaper)
I've had this page open for nearly two hours, trying to get this thing written when I keep falling asleep instead.

I think a lot of this is because I feel a bit shitty. I had to change my pad three times in under two hours today. I literally bled through two pads and through my underwear and through my jeans and onto my desk chair two different times today. After that, I just had to change my pad every two hours or so the rest of the day.

I also changed my doctors appointment from 22 August to 8 August, the soonest appointment that was available. I'm hoping to discuss: this weirdly ongoing period, my heel pain, and getting a renewal on my anti-depressants. Because I need them, precious.

And that's it. I literally cannot keep my eyes open any longer, so I'm going to go dive under my sheets and enjoy the hell out of my pillow.

Good night, all.
apollymi: Giles holding a blue cup of tea, text reads "cuppa tea" (BtVS**Giles: Cuppa tea)
Well, I've officially broken my 50,000 word goal. That's a good thing at least. I got out Write or Die, so I have a nice and high word count for the day, so I can go to bed at a semi-decent hour. I'm still working on the unofficial goal of 65,000 words. I'm not completely sure that I'll reach that, but I'm going to try.

Work was work. We had some computer issues and some difficult testers and all, but I made it through the day.

Roo was ready to pick up this afternoon, and [personal profile] katsuko did it, since she was already off work and I still had a couple hours left. We have him with Aya and Jimi. His paw print is on the mantle piece with Jimi's as well. That's significantly harder.

I found out the other day that part of my job is in a bit of jeopardy because I still owe the IRS money. Specifically, I still owe them $166 from 2013, money I thought was already paid. And after the rather huge bill with Roo, nearly $400, it's also money that I don't have. I have seven days from receiving the letter to have it paid in full or in a payment plan or risk losing that part of my job.

And yeah, that's the daily freakout.
apollymi: Carl holding bottle of holy water, text from Monty Python & the Holy Grail (VH**Carl: Holy hand grenade)
Well, I finally managed a good writing day. Granted, it was all on one story, but that doesn't really matter so much as words actually happening, right?

Work today was... work. I made it through with a minimum of issues and generally nice testers. Everyone inquired how Roo was since I left early to take him to the vet, and everyone seemed genuinely sorry that he had passed. That was nice, I guess.

I guess I don't really have anything else to add for today. I've got things to do and words to write... but I also have sleep to get, and that's taking priority right now.

Good night, all.
apollymi: Don Schanke with a paper, looking very unimpressed, no text (FK**Schanke: Schanke is unimpressed)
I feel like I'm almost caught up with where I need to be for sleep, except that I'm about to start back to work tomorrow, which means a distinct lack of sleep again.

That isn't to say that I haven't spent the day drifting off at the odd moment, including at Panera Bread, but at least I haven't felt as drained as I usually do. I do, however, have the distinct impression that the weekend went by without me.

And I know that's because I spent the whole weekend drifting by in a sort of haze. Honestly, I'm a little bit still there. I keep looking for Roo on the end of the couch or Jimi snuggled up next to me. I feel like I'm constantly having to be the brave one and not let myself break down in tears... aside from the panic attack I had on the phone with Mom when I first got home on Friday and found Roo.

I hate having to feel like I need to be the strong one. I would love the opportunity to break down. I'm tired of being strong. But I can't seem to get past that block in my brain that says I have to be. I can't stop hearing Oyaji's voice in my head every time I start crying, calling them "crocodile tears" or telling me to grow up or something like that. It's not healthy, but that's where my brain is at.

Anyway, I need to go crawl into my bed. 5:30 gets here awfully early, after all.
apollymi: Yuya counting on abacus, Kyo sleeping next to her, colored pink, no text (SDK**Kyo/Yuya: These soft moments)
I'm not sure what I have to say for myself for today. It's been a very long day, mostly thanks to work. Let's just say that I'm going to be glad to have the weekend get here. I'm not sure that I'm going to have a day for catching up on sleep this time around, but I'm absolutely going to give it a try.

I'm nowhere near the words I needed for the day, and I'm too tired to keep trying. I'll do my best to catch up tomorrow during the day and in the evening.

And yeah, that's all I've got in me today. Later, all.
apollymi: Faraday and Vasquez fighting back to back, no text (Mag7**Vasquez/Faraday: Shootout)
I wish I knew why I'm so tired tonight. I keep drifting off where I'm sitting.

In fact, I actually just woke back up to type this. So... yeah... I'm gonna go lay down somewhere until it's time to go to work.

I'm not sure whether to say "good night" or "good morning" at this point.

Whoops.
apollymi: Hudson freaking out, text reads "Game over, man. Game over". I find this completely realisitc for the situation (Aliens**Hudson: Game over man! Game ove)
Well, writing is coming along nicely again. I did manage over 2100 words today, so that's a good thing. I spent a lot of time researching stuff for this section of story, which mostly involves porn and also BDSM websites and stores. I'm not going to get into the details and all here, because I'm tired and ready to go to bed.

Today was a day of assholes at work. We had one guy who had a 9 hour test scheduled come in late, so he started late. He got his full time allotted, because we have no way to deduct time for people pulling shit like that, so we ended up being half an hour late getting out today. We were 15 minutes late getting out last Friday. Now, granted, this Friday is meant to be MCAT tests, so if they all finish when they're supposed to, we should all get to leave early, which will be a nice change of pace. I like MCAT Fridays. I just wish they weren't on Fridays, so that I could actually enjoy them.

Anyway, yeah, sleep time now. It's late, and I am so ready to crash on something other than the living room couch. I would accept the couch in my bedroom, but my bed is sounding pretty damn appealing.

So... Good night, all.

(And yes, for the record, it is really hard to go from writing "Goodnight", as in Goodnight Robicheaux, to "good night", as in hoping everyone has a nice one. It feels stupid weird.)
apollymi: Stitch looking shocked and dismayed, text reads "Oh noes!" (L&S**Stitch: Oh Noes!)
I swear, I am actually getting sleep (somewhat) on these days when I'm not at work. Okay, I got sleep yesterday, but not so much today, since I drove [personal profile] katsuko into work. And since I can't quite seem to get drifted off tonight, I don't think I'll have a lot before going into work on Monday. Oh well, lots of caffeine will have to do the trick. I think I can handle that.

I'll have to handle it.

It was a fairly decent writing day, for all that I spent it bouncing between Panera Bread restaurants, drinking way too much hot tea and trying to stay awake. Granted, I didn't get as much writing done today as I should have. I didn't get enough done to make up for the couple of bad days I had Friday and yesterday. I never wrote less than a thousand words so far this month, but I've written less than my minimum of 1,613 (for 50k) and 2,097 (for 65k). I'll have at least managed that much tonight. I just won't have rebuilt my surplus that I had had going before.

I seem to have a bad case of snap, crackle, pop going with my shoulders and back. I had been going to take my laptop with me tomorrow to work, but I think I'm just going to stick to my regular purse and iPad instead. See if I can't cut down on my shoulder pain where I can.

And now, I haven't finished tonight's episode of Game of Thrones yet. No spoilers, please.
apollymi: Hansel & Gretel in the woods, text reads "We've got the taste of blood" (H&G: Hansel & Gretel: Taste of blood)
So, yeah, I didn't do so great with the writing today either. I was hoping for a lot more than I managed, that's for certain.

I'm just going to have to break out Write or Die for tomorrow to get caught back up to where I need to be. I had to use it today to get as far as I did.

I'm not tired of writing. I'm just tired. And easily distracted. But mostly tired.
apollymi: Close ups of Arthur and Eames, no text (Incep**Eames/Arthur: Perchance to dream)
Okay, this one is going to be short. It's taking everything I've got to keep my eyes open long enough to type this up.

And it's taking even long since I'm misspelling every other word. That's the part that's actually annoying me. And it's not "misspelling" or "annoying" that I'm messing up on. Nope, it's "long" and "going" and "taking" and "eyes". Ya know, the basic shit.

I did not hit either of my word goals today. Trying to make words happen at work today just wasn't happening, thanks to the fact we were testing a lot of assholes. Granted, that was pretty much the story all week, but today was particularly trying.

(It's the "ing" that's giving me the issues. It has to be.)

Anyway, yeah, I'm just fucking wiped out, so I'm going to go on to bed. Good night, all.
apollymi: Lina, falm palming, giant sweat drop, no text (Slay**Lina: Fuckwittery (Facepalm))
Today wasn't a great writing day. I tried to make words happen, but they were just stubborn. That or I just kept getting distracted. It could really go either way.

But I tried. I did meet the minimum word count I need to finish with 50,000 words for the month. I just didn't quite reach the number of words I need to reach 65,000 in the month. It's a sad but important distinction.

There was a lot of discussion today about setting up a martini bar at work. It's been that kind of week. Seriously. It's very much been that kind of week. Between attitudes and married men flirting hard and people coming in late (and thus making us have to stay late), it's been such a damn week.

I'm trying to help [personal profile] katsuko get her resume up to snuff, so that she can start applying around again. IKEA is doing a reshuffle, and it's going to end up negatively affecting her. It may just end up meaning that she's shuffled into a section of the store she doesn't like, but it might also mean that she either loses hours or takes a pay decrease. There's no telling until it actually starts happening in the next few weeks.

And yeah, I'm tired and I've had a few glasses of wine. I'm not drunk. I'm barely even tipsy. But I'm tired. I'm hoping that if I go lay down now, while feeling a little bit more relaxed, I might actually be able to get some sleep. I managed 3 and a half hours last night, and I need more than that for tomorrow, if the work week trend continues.

So I'm going to go collapse on my bed and see if something sleep like can occur. Later, all.
apollymi: Chris and Vin with a heart, no text (Mag7**Chris/Vin: ❤)
I keep drifting off where I'm sitting, which is actually a little embarrassing, I guess. At least it wasn't happening at Panera Bread this time, though. There is a that, at least.

I could have stood for a nap today before taking [personal profile] katsuko to Mirko, but that didn't end up happening. We finally watched Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice for the first time today. I think we were both rather underwhelmed. Wonder Woman was good in it, but I think we otherwise spent most of the movie shit talking the screen. Bat-ffleck was good. I guess. Jeremy Irons' Alfred was good. Again, I guess.

Honestly, most everything I have to say for the film is sort of "I guess". I couldn't find anything to feel strongly about one way or another within the movie... which actually has a lot to say about my feelings on Wonder Woman as well. Neither movie was bad, so to say, but I won't go as far as to say that either of them were good either.

I'm going to have to cut myself off with less than 2000 words today. [personal profile] katsuko has a 6:00 shift at IKEA tomorrow, so we have a very early morning ahead of us. Honestly, if I was smart, I would have already been in bed by now. Of course, we also had Mirko today, so we got home late, which throws everything off as far as sleep goes.

And wow, I spend most of my time on here talking about sleep, don't I? That's actually probably pretty damn sad.

So I'm going to cut this off here, throw myself at my bed, and then go write at the Peachtree Center Mall while I eat breakfast in the morning. Later, y'all.
apollymi: Duo and Heero back to back, text reads "Together" (GW**Duo/Heero: Together)
So. Damn. Sleepy.

I didn't have work today, but I still got up with [personal profile] katsuko to make sure she got off okay and arrived at work all right. And then I went back to bed and slept. I feel like I slept so much... but I also felt like I could have slept a few more hours and not been hurt by it.

Or I need words to cooperate earlier in the day so I can go to bed when I first start drifting off in the evening. I think in general, I need that to start happening, so that I'm getting more sleep during the week too. I'm already writing most of the train ride in, on my entire lunch break, and any quiet moments on the desk. I'm not sure how much more I can sneak into the work day. I guess I'll need to try and come up with something.

I'm just about to the point of telling [personal profile] katsuko to prompt me on these Worst Case Scenario stories. The initial few stories carried me through most of June and the first few days of July, but they're being difficult now. (I think I just wrote the world's vaguest cunnilingus. OMG.) I think I want to get through the sweet bit where I'm at and then go back to being mean to various versions of the characters, but the problem is that I'm not sure what kind of mean I want to be and to which version of the characters. I mean, we have eight different versions of this damn story, after all: main verse, modern au, femme Faraday modern, femme Goody modern, the femmes, worst case scenario femmes, worst case scenario bi!Goody, and BDSM verse. I think that's eight versions. I'm sleepy, and I can't count right now.

I'm seriously so tired that my brain feels like it keeps going offline and restarting every so often. I keep losing my train of thought and trailing off in the middle of sentences. I need sleep. Once I hit my 2000 words for the day, I'll go do just that. I'm probably going to have a lot of things to fix tomorrow, but I'll deal with that tomorrow.
apollymi: Close ups of Arthur and Eames, no text (Incep**Eames/Arthur: Perchance to dream)
It's actually taking everything I have today to keep my eyes open long enough to type this up, so that maybe I can go to bed at a decent time.

Yeah, right.

But I'm thinking I'm going to have to, because I'm actually more tired than I can ever remember being. I'm tired to the point that I'm not sure how to keep making words work for me.

I think I am going to try that sleep thing. I'll just have to make up my words tomorrow, once I've had a chance to sleep a bit more.

Good night, all.
apollymi: Loose jumble of books, text reads "The keyboard makes me their god" (My Writing: Keyboard makes me their god!)
Damn but today was a long ass day. I'm really, really glad it's over.

I'm not as happy with not getting quite as many words done as I wanted. I did manage to break two thousand written yesterday, but I don't think it's going to happen today. I'm just too tired, and my eyes just keep drifting shut for a few minutes at the time. I think they're staying closed for longer and longer each time, and it's not going to be long before I'm literally passed out on the couch with the laptop open in front of me.

It's been a while since that happened, however, so I'm kind of hoping to avoid it today. If at all possible anyway.

One more day at work this week... and then the weekend. I'm looking forward to getting to sleep in some on Saturday and Sunday. I do enjoy getting my days over with, opening the center this week, but when my brain isn't shutting off until late at night, I'm not getting enough sleep. (Obviously. See the fact that I'm talking about passing out at my laptop keyboard.)

I think, after Camp is over, I'm going to try to start setting myself a bedtime of perhaps 11 p.m. I mean, as opposed to midnight or one a.m., at least? Compared to those times, 11 at night is fairly reasonable. Especially when we have early mornings going. The downside is, of course, how it cuts into writing time so much, but if we try to buckle down harder and write more throughout the day, maybe it won't be as much of burden in the evening for writing lots and lots of words.

But then this is, more or less, me thinking "out loud". Who knows if I'll end up managing to do it? I know I used to go to bed fairly early back in Tallahassee, but that was back when [personal profile] katsuko and I had nearly identical schedules. That meant that we both got off at about the same time, so we could start writing the minute we got home, instead of one or the other of us having to sit around and wait on the other. (We also had the same days off, but I'm slowly starting to accept that that won't be happening again unless we get her a new job.)

And yeah, that's about all I've got to say for myself for today. Later, all.
apollymi: Heero staring forward, Duo staring off to side, no text (GW**Duo/Heero: Starry Night)
I am so not awake. The only reason my eyes are still open is because the fireworks are still going off around here. I'm not sure, actually, when they'll be done. Soon I hope. I've got an early day to tomorrow, and I could really use some damn sleep.

Not that I think I'll get it. I lack [profile] katusko's ability to drop off to sleep at a moment's notice once I'm in bed. On the couch? Yeah, sure, I can nod off like nobody's business. Actually in my bed, though? It's my herbal stuff to help me sleep, two fans on (because there's no overhead fan), the air purifier going, an ambient sound tract going, and as little light as possible coming in. That's a good night. Tonight will not be a good night, not with all the fireworks.

I'm going to do my best to get some actual rest, but I am not overly hopeful. Basically, everything is still noisy as hell and I'm not sure I'll be able to pass out right away either way.

Either way, I'm going to give it a try. Good luck, all. Sleep well.

Tired

Friday, 30 June 2017 10:53 pm
apollymi: Tracy on the phone, looking very unimpressed (FK**Tracy: Not impressed)
I'm tired. I've gotten very little sleep over the last few nights, mainly because my brain just refuses to shut down for me to go to sleep until ridiculously late. And I am now physically exhausted, like falling asleep in Panera Bread exhausted, but my brain is not there yet. It is fucking wound.

I made through a period that lasted from 05 June until 28 June with only minor cramps. In the two days since it ended, however, I have had some hella cramps, the kind where I actually get out the heating pad to deal with them.

So I think I'm going to take my heating pad and go back the hall. I'll see if I can't manage to make sleep happen.

Later, all.

Something

Tuesday, 20 June 2017 09:52 pm
apollymi: Stitch lying on the beach with a lei, text reads "I like fluffy" (L&S**Stitch: I like fluffy)
I'm so ridiculously tired.

I made the mistake of doing Nyquil to get to sleep last night. Even though I went to bed early, I still ended up dragging ass all morning long today. The damnable part was that I slept really good, though. Granted, I ended up sleeping until about 15 minutes before I needed to leave the house to get to work on time and I never really recovered my energy, but I slept really, really fucking good.

It's almost going to be a shame to go back to the herbal stuff tonight, after last night's really good sleep.

And yeah, that's about all I've got in me for tonight. I'm not sure that I'm going to hit 1000 words this evening, but it'll have to be good enough.

Good night, all.
apollymi: Manic look Ninth Doctor, text reads "I solemnly swear I'm up to no good" (DW**9th Doctor: Up to no good)
I'm still kicking with the headache. It dimmed a bit earlier in the day, but it's back again full force now. I am not digging it, not in the least.

[personal profile] sharpest_asp, I fully intend to give your suggestion a try, but I have to buy both a hot back and s new cold pack before I can do anything like that.

In the meanwhile, I've already taken my Nyquil for the evening, so I'm going to try to go on to bed a bit early, see if that helps. I'm going to take my own advice and haul my pitiful ass on to bed.

Goodnight, all.

Visit

Saturday, 17 June 2017 10:36 pm
apollymi: Kyo and Yuya back to back, red background, no text (SDK**Kyo/Yuya: The red strokes)
Mum and I had a very nice visit today. We went to see Mamma Mia at the (fabulous) Fox. And yeah, I'm going to have to remember that, because it is a pretty fabulous theater. Supposedly it's an old silent movie house that's been converted fo using with plays and so forth.

What I do have is a nasty headache. I'm not sure I"ll be able to get fully to sleep with it, but the little catnaps I've been grabbing aren't exactly dissuading me from my bed. In fact, they're really rather tempting me that way.

It's taken me thirty minutes to type out this much. I don't think today's going to be a particularly good day for writing. writing. i'll just have to make it up tomorrow. I'm usually pretty good for that.

And besides, Roo is making a point of making a huge mess, so I need to deal with that first. And sleep sounds so damn good right now that even I can't talk myself into staying up to write instead. Plus it might help with the headache I've been kicking since halfway through the play.

So... yeah... sleep.

July 2017

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