apollymi: Trunks staring off in the middle distance, no text (DBZ**Trunks: Sentinel)
So close to the end. So close to done. I just don't know that I'm going to reach my unofficial 65,000 word goal. I still have another 10,000 words to go, and I don't have that many days left to try to make these words happen. I'm not saying I'm stopping, but I'm not sure I'll reach 65k. That's all I'm saying.

I'm seriously ready for the weekend. I'm ready to see if we can't get some more of the rent (and other) money up. I'm ready to see if we end up going to FurKids or to the Humane Society and bringing home a kitty baby. If it's through FurKids, [personal profile] katsuko is talking about bringing home two: Wilmington and Remstar... or as they will be to us, Buck and Remy. But online reviews suggest that they are very difficult to get animals through. So we're also looking at the Humane Society of Fulton County.

I'm torn on how I feel about this. Yes, the Humane Society is a good option, but we've both kind of fallen in love with Wilmington and Remstar. And I know Wilmington has been at FurKids since at least March or April, when I first started glancing around there. You'd think they'd want to get him into a loving home... but they are apparently somewhat difficult to adopt pets from.

I don't know. We'll see what happens.

And even though I don't have all my words that I want for the day, I'm going on to bed. I'm so damn tired that all I want to do is drop. So I think that I'm going to do just that. Later, all.
apollymi: Giles holding a blue cup of tea, text reads "cuppa tea" (BtVS**Giles: Cuppa tea)
Well, I've officially broken my 50,000 word goal. That's a good thing at least. I got out Write or Die, so I have a nice and high word count for the day, so I can go to bed at a semi-decent hour. I'm still working on the unofficial goal of 65,000 words. I'm not completely sure that I'll reach that, but I'm going to try.

Work was work. We had some computer issues and some difficult testers and all, but I made it through the day.

Roo was ready to pick up this afternoon, and [personal profile] katsuko did it, since she was already off work and I still had a couple hours left. We have him with Aya and Jimi. His paw print is on the mantle piece with Jimi's as well. That's significantly harder.

I found out the other day that part of my job is in a bit of jeopardy because I still owe the IRS money. Specifically, I still owe them $166 from 2013, money I thought was already paid. And after the rather huge bill with Roo, nearly $400, it's also money that I don't have. I have seven days from receiving the letter to have it paid in full or in a payment plan or risk losing that part of my job.

And yeah, that's the daily freakout.
apollymi: Don Schanke with a paper, looking very unimpressed, no text (FK**Schanke: Schanke is unimpressed)
I feel like I'm almost caught up with where I need to be for sleep, except that I'm about to start back to work tomorrow, which means a distinct lack of sleep again.

That isn't to say that I haven't spent the day drifting off at the odd moment, including at Panera Bread, but at least I haven't felt as drained as I usually do. I do, however, have the distinct impression that the weekend went by without me.

And I know that's because I spent the whole weekend drifting by in a sort of haze. Honestly, I'm a little bit still there. I keep looking for Roo on the end of the couch or Jimi snuggled up next to me. I feel like I'm constantly having to be the brave one and not let myself break down in tears... aside from the panic attack I had on the phone with Mom when I first got home on Friday and found Roo.

I hate having to feel like I need to be the strong one. I would love the opportunity to break down. I'm tired of being strong. But I can't seem to get past that block in my brain that says I have to be. I can't stop hearing Oyaji's voice in my head every time I start crying, calling them "crocodile tears" or telling me to grow up or something like that. It's not healthy, but that's where my brain is at.

Anyway, I need to go crawl into my bed. 5:30 gets here awfully early, after all.
apollymi: Captain America in the middle of rubble, no text (Aveng**Cap: Devestation)
I can't say that I feel much of anything today. I'm numb, is probably the best way to say it. I'm numb and emotionally void. I'm flying mostly on autopilot last night and today, and I just don't even know what to do about it.

I'm just tired and numb and void. I've got nothing in me. I'm trying to keep on keeping on, and I'm not sure how much of that I've got left in me.

Because we already had the appointments, both [personal profile] katsuko and I had our eyes checked today. She needed new glasses desperately, and my last pair of contact lenses ripped on Friday. Her glasses are being made, and I'll have my contacts in a week or so. I have a trial pair for now, which is better than nothing, I suppose.

We have had a Boo hanging out with us every time we're still for more than a few minutes at the time. She's not on the furniture with us while we're writing or anything, but she's hanging in the same room as us, which is new and different and definitely not unwelcome.

I keep worrying that she's going to get lonesome on her own. She's always had at least one other kitty around. I'm just not sure that [personal profile] katsuko and I are both ready for a new cat. I'm not sure if we're recovered from losing Jimi and now, after losing Roo, it's all so raw. But I also feel like we need to do what's best for her and think about if she needs a companion.

But like I told [personal profile] katsuko, no decisions right now, not while we're not at our best. Boo will forgive us that much at least, if she does feel lonely. We need a little time... and we need a chance to recover financially from the unexpected cremation cost. Because that was nearly $400 we did not have to spare.

And yeah, I'm just null and void. I'm numb beyond meaning of the word. I just don't care anymore. I can't make myself feel anything.
apollymi: Black cat sitting on pumpkins, no text (Proud mom of a black cat) (Kitten: Black cat)
I can't even. I've got nothing.

I came home from work today, to find Roo had passed away. We had him from the time he was six weeks old until he was eleven.

He had a bad bout of anemia from fleas last fall, though, and he never really recovered his health from it. Last night, he was a bit weak, a bit shaky in his back legs. This morning, he didn't want breakfast but nibbled on some dry food when I put it out. Given his low weight thanks to the anemia, we decided he needed a vet visit today. Neither of us could get off work on short notice, so we decided that, if I could get out on time, I would go get him and take him.

Well, I got off early, got [personal profile] katsuko dropped off at Mirko, and came to the house... to find he had passed away. Boo was right there with him, acting like she had been there for quite a while. Given how close they always were, I hope this means she was with him through it all.

I started 2017 with three cats. On 18 April, we lost Jimi. And today, 21 July, we lost Roo. Since we moved to these apartments, we've lost two cats. I'm trying not to see a pattern. I'm also trying not to see that I lost Jimi a week before I started at GSU and Roo a few days short of my 3 month anniversary there. I'm trying to tell myself it's bad luck piling on top of bad luck. Correlation, not causation.

But I cannot take much more of this. We only have Boo left. I'm thanking every deity I can think of that she's always been healthy as a horse, but then, until the flea anemia, so was Roo. I can't take any more of this. I just can't.
apollymi: Loose jumble of books, text reads "The keyboard makes me their god" (My Writing: Keyboard makes me their god!)
I have a certain biting/nibbling feline son trying very desperately to help me write this journal entry, so it's probably going to be very short. Getting your fingers bitten when you're trying to type does tend to make that activity very difficult.

And to make matters worse, I think he thinks that this is a fun play game we're doing. He takes a bite out of my finger, I put him back on the floor, he gets right back up and does it again, I put him right back down on the floor, and repeat ad nauseum. Because in a battle of stubborn, Roo and I are evenly matched.

No, actually, I'm lying there to try to protect my own dignity. Roo usually wins these battles of wills. He's a lot more stubborn than I am, sadly enough.

I've spent most of the day cramping like a son of a bitch and editing stories for [personal profile] katsuko in Worst Case Scenario. Because that's a thing.

And yeah, I think that's about all he's going to let me do. I think I'm going to take the laptop back the hall and try to make words happen that way.

(I keep thinking that maybe he would let me get words done on the desktop, but... I seriously doubt it.)

Stress

Tuesday, 27 June 2017 11:53 pm
apollymi: Hudson freaking out, text reads "Game over, man. Game over". I find this completely realisitc for the situation (Aliens**Hudson: Game over man! Game ove)
Work is a bit of a pain lately. We've had people taking one test several days for the last two weeks. Routinely there is at least one person a day who is at 5:15 or after getting done. For this particular test, they should be done by 5:00 at the latest. It puts me late getting out, and I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to get the time made up leaving early. LaTrease did offer to let me come in late a time or two this week, but honestly, that would just mean I'd be sitting in the Peachtree Center Mall that much longer in the mornings.

Yes, it would give me writing time, but still...

And Roo is about running me crazy with his newfound insistence on chewing on fingers and grabbing at keyboard keys and snatching food and so forth.

So yeah, I'm a little stressed tonight. I feel sorry for my Mag7 boys and girls.

Weekend!

Friday, 23 June 2017 10:42 pm
apollymi: Captain America in the middle of rubble, no text (Aveng**Cap: Devestation)
It's finally the weekend! It's not quite a sleeping in kind of weekend, but at least it's a don't have to be at either job kind of a weekend.

I'm getting really sick of Roo's new habit of chewing on typing fingers. I enjoy him sitting in my lap and being all sweet and purr-some, but this new thing of his with biting is getting very old very fast.

I've deleted [community profile] 15kinks off my Scrivener twice this week. I'm just very damn discouraged on the whole thing.

But then, I'm just very damn discouraged on life and everything.

And that's it.

Visit

Saturday, 17 June 2017 10:36 pm
apollymi: Kyo and Yuya back to back, red background, no text (SDK**Kyo/Yuya: The red strokes)
Mum and I had a very nice visit today. We went to see Mamma Mia at the (fabulous) Fox. And yeah, I'm going to have to remember that, because it is a pretty fabulous theater. Supposedly it's an old silent movie house that's been converted fo using with plays and so forth.

What I do have is a nasty headache. I'm not sure I"ll be able to get fully to sleep with it, but the little catnaps I've been grabbing aren't exactly dissuading me from my bed. In fact, they're really rather tempting me that way.

It's taken me thirty minutes to type out this much. I don't think today's going to be a particularly good day for writing. writing. i'll just have to make it up tomorrow. I'm usually pretty good for that.

And besides, Roo is making a point of making a huge mess, so I need to deal with that first. And sleep sounds so damn good right now that even I can't talk myself into staying up to write instead. Plus it might help with the headache I've been kicking since halfway through the play.

So... yeah... sleep.

Felined

Thursday, 15 June 2017 10:32 pm
apollymi: Doujinshi art of Sirius Black, no text (HP**Sirius: Do not approve)
My lap has been pretty thoroughly felined. In other words, Roo has taken over my lap and is using it as his secret base from which to launch sneak attacks on the keyboard. This means either trying to lift the keyboard cover off the keys themselves or bite at my fingers. He's fine with either one, even if I'm not.

The interesting thing about trying to do collaborate writing in Google Documents is being able to see the words someone else is writing go into the the file in almost real time. It gets funnier when you get to see the typos that go along with the writing live as well.

Reading-wise, my life has been pretty damn good. Two of my favorite The Magnificent Seven stories updated in the last two days: Luck of the Draw and Melt the Elements. These are actually two of my very favorite Mag7 stories, so it kinda makes my day to see them both updated. It would be lovely if one of the other Mag7 stories I love updates tomorrow to keep the trend going. (I'm hoping for "Shifting Through the Ashes" by [archiveofourown.org profile] SnubbingApollo. It hasn't updated in months, and I need more STAT.)

I spent nearly 6 weeks without a period. I finally got it last Monday after spotting all the weekend before. I've had it since last Monday. Let me repeat that: I have had my period ongoing since 05 June. It's showing no signs of stopping. Or easing. Or even slowing down. And I'm now googling veggie foods that are high in iron, because I actually came pretty close to passing out at work today. Obviously this was no fun (or else I wouldn't be trying so hard to find something to take or eat to counter it), but it would have been the ideal day for it: we had a bunch of doctors in today getting recertified.

And yeah, that's about it for me for today. I'm going to go lay down and try to see if some rest will make me feel better. Later, all.

Eyes

Friday, 2 June 2017 10:44 pm
apollymi: Stitch with a cape and a swimsuit top on his head, text reads "I'm the goddamn Batman" (L&S**Stitch: I am the goddamn Batman)
Eyes staying open has been a major fucking concern today, and it's only gotten worse since I got home today.

I mean, I've literally gotten to the point where, even if words happen, they will be such a salad that they make no sense.

I'm even doing that when I'm talking out loud and making senese, when all my brain wants to today is curl in on itself

And okay, I've got to wake to go to bed, so wish me lucky. I have the distinct feeling that I'm going to t ned it.

So tired

Saturday, 27 May 2017 08:57 pm
apollymi: Luke holding a lightsaber, no text (SW***Luke: Lighter side of the Force)
I'm so tired, but it's been a fun day. Jellybean took it upon herself to remind me why I'm not interested in kids by being wide open all day. Betsy was in rare form as usual; no such thing as a peaceful or quiet visit when she's also around.

My back hurts. My feet hurt. Oh gods, but do my feet hurt. But it's been a lot of fun.

Right now I have a black cat sleeping on my knees. It's both a little heartbreaking (because that's how Jimi used to sleep with me... and a little healing for the same reason.

I'm going to try to write a little and then I'm probably going to crash hard.

Good night, my freaky darlings.

Long day was long

Saturday, 20 May 2017 10:51 pm
apollymi: Chaucer looking annoyed, text reads "I will eviscerate you in fiction" (AKT**Chaucer: Eviscerate you in fiction)
So the porn scene [personal profile] katsuko and I were working on ate away at our respective brains. I ended up being up until 2 this morning working on it. I intended to catch a quick nap until I had to be up by 5 for the TOEFL test I was administering, but Roo decided I needed to wake up around 3 or 3:30 to acknowledge him.

Honestly, I ended up sitting at the end of the bed crying because he keeps doing this and it makes sleep so difficult. [personal profile] katsuko evicted him, and I moved to my bedroom couch and got a little sleep.

The test itself was... all right. We had one no show and two people who showed up with invalid IDs.

After the test, I caught the train to North Springs, let [personal profile] katsuko pick me up, we had some dinner, and then we came home and we both passed the fuck out. We got home around 2:30 or so, and neither of us woke up until after 5:30. I could still drop off where I'm sitting.

That said, I think I'm going to go ahead and crash. Sleep is sounding o damn fantastic, after all.

So tired

Wednesday, 3 May 2017 10:48 pm
apollymi: Bakura and Kaiba, close up on eyes, text reads "Your eyes" (YGO**Bakura/Kaiba: Your eyes)
I need to hurry up and get adjusted to this new schedule. Which means I need to get used to going to bed at a decent time. That's proving difficult, though. I've had three or so years now of going to bed ridiculously late and then getting up whenever... and probably supplementing it with naps throughout the day. I keep thinking about the fact that there is a "relaxation room" in the office suite at New Job, but I don't have keys yet to get back in the area where it's at, which does indeed put a damper on going to visit it. When I eventually get said keys, I guess I could start eating lunch at my desk and spending my lunch hour there napping or what have you. That might work... or it might get me more thrown off. I don't know. It's a moot point right now, but it's still a thought that keeps percolating through my head.

I'm so tired all the time, and most of the time that just translates into me being a bit weepy, a bit emotionally drained, and a bit null and void. Even when I do sleep, I can't say I've really dreamed anything for a bit. There just isn't enough in me, I suppose.

Sleeping on my side and all has my left shoulder acting all fucking up again. I've been sleeping on my left side because I tend to get less nauseous in the night that way, but it doesn't look like that's going to work. I try to sleep on my back, but I really can't, not when I don't have Jimi to lay between my knees, not when Roo wants to lay on my chest. It's more the former than the latter, though: I can't sleep on my back without Jimi between my knees.

And now I can't breathe.

I don't think I have anything else I can say, other than some vague reports on writing. I did a little on Wicked Ones Chapter Nineteen, and I did some more on Resurrectionist's chapter "Bite". I don't think I managed 1000 words today, but honestly, I don't care.

Goodnight.

Long week of long

Friday, 28 April 2017 10:31 pm
apollymi: Zack facing away, text reads "So don't judge me by my failures, only by my dreams" (FF7**Zack: Judge me only by my dreams)
So I'm finally done with my first week of work at New Job. I guess it's going well enough. I'm now certified to work in the center, as of today. I've been allowed to check a few people in and out now, though not by myself, because rules. Coworkers continue to seem pretty okay. I'm not sure what else to say there. It's not exactly an intellectually stimulating job, but it's a job and I'm getting paid (though not until 12 May for my first check... which will apparently be mailed) and that's good.

I handwrote a bit today, but not as much I would like. I also failed to get it typed up, so I'm going to count it in tomorrow's words... because that's how I roll, yo.

I have had a lot of feline assistance with this post. Roo has hovered on my lap off and on since I got home, and Boo has stopped by a time or two as well. Because that's how they roll apparently.

And that's pretty much it. Later, all.

So tired

Thursday, 27 April 2017 11:01 pm
apollymi: Ryou holding Thief King Bakura, text reads "Our Farewell" (YGO**Bakura/Ryou: Our Farewell)
I would love to go through my journal and see if this is the subject line that is used the most often. Because, honestly, unless I sleep a good ten or so hours, I'm always tired. And Roo doesn't believe in mommies sleeping that long. It cuts into his quality first breakfast time.

We were talking about pets at New Job today, and I just barely held it together. I kept having to correct myself from saying "I have three cats", and it just wrecked me. It just fucking wrecked me.

Mum sent me a video from Jellybean. She knew I was very sad about Jimi and made me a card and wants to come visit me.

Still don't seem right: me drawing breath when Jimi isn't. Seems like I should fix this. It keeps feeling like I should fix this. I keep on not fixing it.

And yeah, that's all I've fucking got in me. That's all I've fucking got.

okay

Friday, 21 April 2017 10:53 pm
apollymi: Draco & Slytherin company, text reads "Real friends help you crucio the witnesses" (HP**Draco: Real friends)
I opened this up s bit ago and forgot to make a post, so I'm just going to do a quick one right here and hope that it is somewhat coherent. I'm not placing bets on that being the case. I'm not placing bets one me being coherent in the first place at all.

Roo and Boo are being extra cute and cuddly today. This is nice. Except Roo wants to chew on fingers while he's being extra cuddly, and Boo is very very weighty. She and I both need to be exercising. I want to get a treadmill for us both.

And yeah, I'm still ridiculously super tired, so this is going to have to be the bulk of my post today. I'm not going to hit the minimum words I need for the day, and I'm going to have to accept that. Somehow I will live, and I'll just make up those words tomorrow.

So yeah, that's it for me for today. Tomorrow's plans include hella writing and maybe going up to Buford to look at some dress shoes for New Job (and eat at Genghis Grill while we're there).

Later, all.

Dark Matters

Wednesday, 19 April 2017 10:42 pm
apollymi: Zack facing away, text reads "So don't judge me by my failures, only by my dreams" (FF7**Zack: Judge me only by my dreams)
I need to say all this, and it's probably going to break me a little -- a lot -- to get any of it out, but it has to happen. It's just sitting behind my throat, eating away at me, and if I don't get it out, I feel like I'm going to go mad.

Jimi died yesterday, Tuesday the 18th. )

Sick kitty

Monday, 17 April 2017 11:25 pm
apollymi: Draco & Slytherin company, text reads "Real friends help you crucio the witnesses" (HP**Draco: Real friends)
Jimi's still acting like he doesn't feel well. I haven't seen him eat anything since early yesterday, and he's barely drinking water. Mist and Fluffy sent some money so that I can go ahead and take him to the vet as soon as possible. Honestly, if it deposits tomorrow, I'll probably go ahead and take him then. Otherwise, it'll be Wednesday morning first thing.

In other news, I've been so stressed over Jimi and being unable to do anything that I sublimated it into writing... and I've already done 2400 words today, with no signs of stopping yet. I'm just writing, writing, writing.

And yeah. That's it.

Wednesday Funday

Wednesday, 12 April 2017 10:55 pm
apollymi: Jensen playing with the homemade monsters,  text reads "I am sane-ish" (Losers**Jensen: Sane-ish)
I know it's supposed to be "Sunday Funday", but Sunday's are still work days for now, so I'm still calling Wednesday my fun day for now. At least until I officially start the new job. Then Sundays will be fun days again. I'm looking forward to this. You have no idea how much I'm looking forward to this.

I barely have anything written yet for today, though. I need to be working on correcting that, and that's what I'm going to do once I'm finished here.

I have a happy Roo in my lap. This is also good. Chat is happy and is flowing well. This is a good too.

But now... writing.