So tired

Friday, 1 September 2017 11:10 pm
apollymi: Future Trunks looking down and blushing, text reads "blush" (DBZ**Trunks: BLUSH!!!)
You ever have those dreams that are just so real that waking up and everything feels fake, and that's what I'm staring at right now: I went to sleep on the couch and dreamed that it was already tomorrow and we were walking around looking at apartment and I needed to get my ID back the office (because they always keep IDs when you're touring properties around here). It was just a small little silly dream, but it seemed so real at the time that, when I woke up, everything else seemed flat and fake afterwards.

Which segues nicely into our plans for tomorrow: looking at apartments in Stockbridge, McDonough, Fayetteville, and maybe Peachtree City. We're also meeting Mum for lunch in McDonough. [personal profile] desolate03 is in town for Dragon*Con, so we might meet with her at a later point in the weekend.

And yeah, that's about it.
apollymi: Don Schanke with a paper, looking very unimpressed, no text (FK**Schanke: Schanke is unimpressed)
I feel like I'm almost caught up with where I need to be for sleep, except that I'm about to start back to work tomorrow, which means a distinct lack of sleep again.

That isn't to say that I haven't spent the day drifting off at the odd moment, including at Panera Bread, but at least I haven't felt as drained as I usually do. I do, however, have the distinct impression that the weekend went by without me.

And I know that's because I spent the whole weekend drifting by in a sort of haze. Honestly, I'm a little bit still there. I keep looking for Roo on the end of the couch or Jimi snuggled up next to me. I feel like I'm constantly having to be the brave one and not let myself break down in tears... aside from the panic attack I had on the phone with Mom when I first got home on Friday and found Roo.

I hate having to feel like I need to be the strong one. I would love the opportunity to break down. I'm tired of being strong. But I can't seem to get past that block in my brain that says I have to be. I can't stop hearing Oyaji's voice in my head every time I start crying, calling them "crocodile tears" or telling me to grow up or something like that. It's not healthy, but that's where my brain is at.

Anyway, I need to go crawl into my bed. 5:30 gets here awfully early, after all.


Saturday, 17 June 2017 10:36 pm
apollymi: Kyo and Yuya back to back, red background, no text (SDK**Kyo/Yuya: The red strokes)
Mum and I had a very nice visit today. We went to see Mamma Mia at the (fabulous) Fox. And yeah, I'm going to have to remember that, because it is a pretty fabulous theater. Supposedly it's an old silent movie house that's been converted fo using with plays and so forth.

What I do have is a nasty headache. I'm not sure I"ll be able to get fully to sleep with it, but the little catnaps I've been grabbing aren't exactly dissuading me from my bed. In fact, they're really rather tempting me that way.

It's taken me thirty minutes to type out this much. I don't think today's going to be a particularly good day for writing. writing. i'll just have to make it up tomorrow. I'm usually pretty good for that.

And besides, Roo is making a point of making a huge mess, so I need to deal with that first. And sleep sounds so damn good right now that even I can't talk myself into staying up to write instead. Plus it might help with the headache I've been kicking since halfway through the play.

So... yeah... sleep.

So tired

Saturday, 27 May 2017 08:57 pm
apollymi: Luke holding a lightsaber, no text (SW***Luke: Lighter side of the Force)
I'm so tired, but it's been a fun day. Jellybean took it upon herself to remind me why I'm not interested in kids by being wide open all day. Betsy was in rare form as usual; no such thing as a peaceful or quiet visit when she's also around.

My back hurts. My feet hurt. Oh gods, but do my feet hurt. But it's been a lot of fun.

Right now I have a black cat sleeping on my knees. It's both a little heartbreaking (because that's how Jimi used to sleep with me... and a little healing for the same reason.

I'm going to try to write a little and then I'm probably going to crash hard.

Good night, my freaky darlings.

Not sure

Friday, 26 May 2017 11:17 pm
apollymi: Steve & Danny on couch, text reads "It is what it is" (H50**Steve/Danny: It is what it is)
I'm not sure that I really have anything much to say. I'm tired. I'm tired almost beyond meaning of the word, but I need to get some more words done, because I won't really be able to write tomorrow, since I'll be at Mum's and Grandmother's for a very belated Mother's Day.

I still feel like I need to apologize to any potential readers and my characters for what I've been writing and editing the last couple of days. I swear, I only do it out of love.

And now I guess I need to go the fuck to bed, so that I can maybe get a little sleep, so that maybe I can get up at a good time to get on the road. I'm hoping to leave between 6 and 8 tomorrow, after all, so that I can spend plenty of time visiting.

Anyway, I'm going to try to finish up a bit more of this scene, so that I can maybe go do that sleep thing. Later, all.

So tired

Sunday, 14 May 2017 11:26 pm
apollymi: Ryou holding Thief King Bakura, text reads "Our Farewell" (YGO**Bakura/Ryou: Our Farewell)
I wonder if this is the subject line I've used the most on this journal. Probably so.

Either way I'm trying like hell to keep my eyes open long enough to get this entry typed up, so that I can go the fuck to bed. Because I'm tired enough to say shit like 'go the fuck to bed' at this point in the day. Yeesh.

All I did today was write. I did talk to Mum on the phone a bit, which was really nice, but that was about all I did. Most of what I worked on today was the semi-canon compliant GoodDay story. Seriously, I'm going to have the ending written before we get through the beginning... except that I'm not sure I'm actually working on the ending; I think it's possible I'm working on something a little bit more towards the middle. It's not going to end as quickly or as neatly as we originally intended for them.

That said... I think it's time for me to go the fuck to bed. Goodnight, all.


Thursday, 23 February 2017 11:35 pm
apollymi: Princess Serenity sitting on a throne, deep in thought, no text (BSSM**Usagi: Contemplation (Serenity))
I've had a full day, but most of it has been babbling. Honestly! I've babbled on Tumblr. I've babbled in review responses. I've babbled at work. I've babbled to the felines. None of it has been on any real substance, but it's made me feel a little better.

I've been in meltdown mode most of the day, to be honest. Mum hasn't been much better. She's been in panic "what do we do now" mode. I don't have the answers to that. Right now, I barely have the answers of what I'm going to eat for my next meal, much less how to recover from not getting a job I both wanted and needed... again.

#365k/365Day is still coming along nicely enough. I'm still sitting a few days ahead, though not as much as I would like to be. I'm going to keep trying to build that lead. I've got a ways yet to go to be where I want to be.

And I started on the second Wicked Ones "What If...?" story. This one is titled "Wild Horses" for now. It builds off a question asked by one of the WO characters about what their lives would have been like if they'd both been too young to fight in the War. So instead of being 11 and 18 in 1861, Goody and Joshua were both roughly 11 at the time. (There is an in story explanation for this. It's still not nice, because they still didn't have a worthwhile father.)

And now, I'm going the fuck to bed. I've got catering in the morning, barely enough time for a quick lunch with [personal profile] katsuko before I drop her off at IKEA, a phone interview with GSU, and then back to Mirko. It's another full day. Fun times.

Later, all.

Interview two

Wednesday, 15 February 2017 10:25 pm
apollymi: Usagi holding Luna, Artemis, and Diana, no text (BSSM**Usagi: Kitties!)
I had my second interview today. I feel like it went pretty okay. I met with the State Librarian for about fifteen or twenty minutes, and then I did a Microsoft Office skills test. I did all right on most of the exercises, finishing the first six and starting on seven (out of ten) in the hour I was given. I think I fucked up the mail merge document, but that's about it. It's been a long time since I've had to do that one.

On the way back home, I got a call from the mechanic, saying he had found the issue, a connecting rod of some sort; he told me, but I was driving and couldn't write it down. It would be about $500 to replace the rod, with labor and all. It would be a short-term fix, one that might keep the car going another two or three years... or two or three months. Whatever the rod was, it completely unthreaded in the area it was supposed to be in. He's not sure what could have made it do that: time and age or something else entirely. If it's time, then the fix should hold me up a few years. If it's something else, then it's probably going to happen again at some point, possibly soon. But the only other real option, aside from fixing this one rod and all would be to replace the entire motor.

Fixing the rod = $500
Replacing the motor = $1500 to $1800

Yeah, you can just guess which one Mum and Charlie went with.

It wasn't going to be finished today, so I had to renew the rental car for another couple days. Since [personal profile] katsuko works at IKEA in the morning and I don't have anyone to go with and drive one of the cars, I won't be able to pick it up tomorrow if they finish it then. I'll have to go Friday morning when we're both free. But that's okay, because I've already heard that Friday's catering should be canceled. At least I kind of hope it is.

I do have a visit to one of my best petsitting clients, Lord Sammy Sam the Grump Master, tomorrow through the 18th, so there is a that. I enjoy getting to see him. He was my first client. He's been my most frequent flyer. He still hisses at me every damn time, hence the nickname.

We posted the new chapter of Monstrous: After Midnight on AO3, but I haven't gotten it up anywhere else. I think I might try to work on that tomorrow.

And yeah, that's about it. I'm going to try to go make words happen on something, likely either Wicked Ones, Monstrous: After Midnight, or Mag7/Lev. Later, all.


Monday, 30 January 2017 01:15 pm
apollymi: Stitch with a cape and a swimsuit top on his head, text reads "I'm the goddamn Batman" (L&S**Stitch: I am the goddamn Batman)
Yeah, I got nothing. There isn't really anything I can talk about that's any different from things I've said a hundred other times before.

Well, I guess I can say that we got a provisional credit for $60 put into [personal profile] katsuko's account after the ATM ate her money. It's not the full amount, since we think that's about $63, but it's a step. It's a step in the right direction... and in hoping that they don't decide to reverse said provisional credit... or if they do, they wait until after we've paid rent. It's a cynical hope, I guess, but it'll have to do.

The boys continue to be difficult. I did 1200 words yesterday, but every one of them was a struggle. I'm hoping that today goes easier. So far, not so much, but I'm still trying.

I have to go pick up some copies of my resume from the FedEx store in a bit. I want to have them ready in preparation for the interview on Wednesday. I also printed out a letter of recommendation I had from a former manager, so hopefully that'll help.

I even went over a series of interview questions with Mum yesterday, trying to formulate out how to say things best. I'm hoping that it's helped.

And yeah, I'm still struggling with words. I'm going to keep trying, and I guess I'll go focus on that until it's time to go get that resume picked up.
apollymi: Ginji in taro/chibi mode with teary eyes (GB**Ginji: *wibble eyes*)
I... am a glutton for punishment. I just spent nearly an hour looking at rentals in Tallahassee (a lot less per month for a much bigger place) and how much a rental truck would cost me (less than $500). And sadly that's still more than we can handle right now, especially moving without a definite job. Not in the least of which being because the place we're currently requires a full month's rent, $864, as an early termination fee, in addition to forfeiting a security deposit.

I will admit to chancing my hand and putting one single application out to FSU. Honestly, if I don't get this job I'm interviewing for on Wednesday, I might actually start putting some serious thought to trying to get saved up to move back.

And maybe, just maybe, getting myself back on an even keel.

I haven't had any mock interviews before this one coming up on Wednesday. Mum hasn't had the time, and I don't know. I guess everyone else I asked has forgotten or doesn't give a shit. I lean towards the latter.

I'm already going through my closet to find something appropriate to wear. If the weather holds like it currently is, it'll be in the mid-40s to mid-50s on Wednesday. I'm thinking black dress slacks and either the grey patterned dress top I have or the maroon wrap top. I am wearing maroon dress shoes that match the wrap top and are the second most comfortable shoes I own. I do still need to find a bag to carry that is: a muted pattern or (preferably) solid color, big enough to carry a copy of my resume with me, and in good shape. This might necessitate a trip to Goodwill.

The interview is at the Georgia Public Library Service main office. From the staff photos on the website, it looks like the environment is business casual, which is roughly what I expected with any professional library-type situation.

I don't actually have any resume paper with me, but maybe I can afford to go by UPS or FedEx and print it out on their resume paper. I'll just need to turn up a flash drive to do this. I have a few dozen flash drives, so it's just a matter of finding one of them.

So yeah, I've said before and I'll probably say again between now and Wednesday (and probably after as well): I really want this job. I want this to go well. I'm past sick and tired of Mirko Pasta. I'm past ready to be shed of that place. And I'm ready for us to have enough money to live on. Not be rich or anything, but enough to not have to budget food for us versus food for the cats, not to have to struggle to make rent. If I get this job, it would really help with that.

And yeah, I guess I'm done babbling on this. Feel free to chime in if you have any tips or words of wisdom for me. Please?


Wednesday, 18 January 2017 08:45 pm
apollymi: Duo, Usagi, and Heero with grunge border, text reads "OT3" (OT3: Duo/Usagi/Heero (grunge))
Today was supposed to be mine and [personal profile] katsuko's shared day off. Not so much this week, though, because IKEA scheduled her to work today. Grr, argh. So, since she helped me with catering yesterday, she doesn't really get a day off this week. This makes me sad.

After a minor heart attack last night, during which it looked like all our money disappeared from our Regions account, we finally have a wee bit of funds again. Granted, these funds were supposed to be for signing up for the new gym. It's going to take $120 to sign us both up: $60 each, for first and last month's membership dues. But now, I'm wondering if I should use that towards the emissions test and maybe starting towards whatever car repairs are needed to get me past the emissions test. I don't know. I feel like we need to do both--the gym and the emissions testing--but only one has a definite timeline for when things need to be done.

So yeah, I guess that sort of solves that problem. Maybe I'll just go buy some batteries and hook up the Wii Fit again. If I can find room in the living room that is.

So I guess I'll be going to do the emissions test on Shinigami tomorrow. Fun times. I hate being a damn grownup sometimes. I'm also dreading finding out what all issues I'm going to find. I don't want to have to call Mum to ask for help, if it turns out that the issues with the car make it fail the test... that I will still have to pay for, pass or fail.

But that's enough ranting for now. I'm going to keep playing with Tumblr Savior for a bit and see if I can't get it to block all political posts. I just can't right now.


Thursday, 12 January 2017 10:35 pm
apollymi: Doujinshi art of Sirius Black, no text (HP**Sirius: Do not approve)
I'm not sure I have anything to say for myself today. [personal profile] katsuko didn't go into IKEA until nearly 4:00 this afternoon, so I spent a good chunk of the morning reading and writing.

#365k365Day is coming along nicely. I think I'm running about a day ahead, which is of the good. Most of what I've written so far has been on either Wicked Ones or the Leverage thing. The Leverage thing still needs a name, at least for the overall story. I'm calling the first part, unimaginatively, The First Job, and the second part is The Meet-up Job... but I don't have a title for the overall series yet. It'll come to me, I'm sure, but it just has not yet.

Coworker Chloe has invited me to come tool around Ulta Beauty with her some tomorrow. I'm still trying to decide if I'm going to take her up on that. I enjoy tooling around cosmetic stores, but I enjoy it less when I can't buy anything. Plus, I prefer tooling around Sephora, because I like playing with the Kat Von D makeup, especially when I need to get some more powder soon. I guess I could get some Urban Decay instead, but I like the full coverage of Kat Von D.

I managed to pick up an interview for a couple of weeks from now. It's with the Georgia Public Library Service, for an Administrative Coordinator position. The interview is set for 0900 on 01 February. I'm incredibly nervous... for something that won't be happening for a couple of weeks yet. Yeesh. Me. Just... me. But I want this job. I want it badly. Mum's already said she's willing to help me do some test interviews leading up to it. Maybe that'll help.

And I now have a Roo in between me and the keyboard and monitor, so I'm going to cut this entry off here. Later, all.


Sunday, 25 December 2016 09:08 pm
apollymi: Usagi, wide eyed and excited, text reads "boy porn!1!" (BSSM**Usagi: Boy porn!1!)
What have I done today, other than a metric fuckton of driving?

I didn't sleep, so I got out of bed before 8 this morning to visit with the family. I helped Mum get the food ready for lunch. I let [personal profile] katsuko sleep in until around 10, so that one of us could be well rested for the day. I visited with some of Charlie's family. I ate lunch with everyone. I went with Mum, Betsy, and Jellybean to feed one of Mum's friend's pet goats. I got on the road by around 1:30 with [personal profile] katsuko and drove nearly three and a half hours while she wrote porn. I did the pet sitting for the day.

So yeah, I'm tired, and I'm hoping I sleep really well tonight.

G'night, all.

NaNoWriMo Day 20

Sunday, 20 November 2016 01:59 pm
apollymi: Hatter with a cuppa, text reads "Tea?" (Alice**Hatter: Tea?)
I'm a little upset because I forgot to bring my headphones inside to IKEA today. People have turned their kids loose next to me, like I'm the designated IKEA babysitter or something. I really don't care for it, as you may well have guessed.

I'm still feeling poorly, but it always seems to get worse as the day builds on. I start out the day stiff and sore and sniffly. By lunch, I'm coughing and hacking, no matter what I take during the day for it. By early evening, I've moved to adding in sneezing and losing my voice. By the end of the night, I'm coughing so bad that I'm crying, I can't breathe through my nose at all, I'm cranky as fuck, and I just generally feel like hell. Today, at least, it feels like something is trying to break up in my chest, so that's a good. However, it also means that I feel at times like someone is stabbing me in the chest, so that's not of the good. I think I've managed to cough so much that I pulled something, though I honestly couldn't say for sure.

No catering tomorrow. In fact, I think my only catering next week will be on Tuesday. Even then, it will only be one of the two schools that I usually deliver to on that day. Apparently Annunciation Day School is sensibly taking all of next week off. Monday's school (Galloway), Wednesday's school (Christ the King), and Friday's school (Our Lady of the Ascension) are all taking the week off. But Cliff Valley, the second Tuesday school, is staying in until Wednesday, so they'll need their lunch on Tuesday. I'm kind of happy, because it's at least a little bit of money, but not, because it does mean that I won't have Tuesday completely off work. I'll make do, like always, but I was looking forward to that day. Eh, it is what it is.

Writing... I got enough done yesterday as so to not fall behind, but that's about all I can say for myself. I'm going to cut myself off here and get to work on what I need to get done. Here's the most up to date word count first, though.

41403 / 50000 words. 83% done!

NaNoWriMo Day 19

Saturday, 19 November 2016 10:09 pm
apollymi: Hatter with a cuppa, text reads "Tea?" (Alice**Hatter: Tea?)
A very long day summary )

I'm still not feeling too much better, and I don't think I got a lot of rest last night to try to help the matter. I know I didn't get a lot of writing done, not nearly as much as I needed to, but I'm going to try to make up for that tonight.

I did get a new project from Seven Seas, Secret of the Princess, that's due on the 22nd. I'm part of the way done with a first read-through, and I haven't spot anything glaring yet. I might have to ask [personal profile] katsuko to look it over, because I'm not sure I'm with it enough to find small mistakes right now, if I'm on page 63 and haven't found anything yet.

Anyway, I'm going to see if I can't get these boys persuaded to telling me something. Here's the most up to date word count I have going right now.

40241 / 50000 words. 80% done!

NaNoWriMo Day 16

Wednesday, 16 November 2016 11:07 pm
apollymi: Hotaru skipping happily, text reads "The Hotaru-verse is a shiny and fluffy place with skipping" (SDK**Hotaru: It's a skipping happy unive)
We did Roo's vet visit. We had the same technician and doctor as our last visit, so that was good. They both commented on how much better he looked. His temperature was up a bit, closer to where it should be, at 100.3°F. His weight was also up, from 8.3 to 10.5 pounds. The doctor did say that he felt a lot better with how Roo was acting and with his vitals, but he still had some concerns and so did some blood work that we'll hear back on from tomorrow. He did decide to keep him on the antibiotics another couple of weeks, so we ended up having to buy some pill pockets to see that wouldn't be an easier solution for pilling this cat.

I did point out how he grinds his teeth when he's eating, and the vet said that's something some cats just do as they get older and wear them down. He didn't see any infection in the teeth just visually looking, though there was some plaque. He did say that he would like to see some of that new weight distribute to somewhere other than his belly but agreed that it would take a little bit of time for that to happen. He was also pleased with how his gums are starting to pinken up a bit.

He did say for us to keep giving him the rest of the medicine, and he did also decide to keep him on the Predisolone for another two more weeks or until we run out. Sadly, that's the one that's twice a day, so it's a huge hassle. Again, we go some pill pockets to see if that make a difference in the relative ease of the whole procedure.

Grandmother's in the hospital right now with a low hemoglobin count. It's not the first time, but we're taking no chances. So obviously Mum didn't come today, and now the rescheduled date of Saturday is looking a bit iffy.

I've not got as many words today as I would have hoped, given everything going on, so I'll just make content with this, since I do have a bit of a surplus.

Either way, I'll break off here and get back to my writings. Here's the most up to date word count:

33833 / 50000 words. 68% done!

Links for later

Wednesday, 5 October 2016 11:27 pm
apollymi: Bakura and Kaiba, close up on eyes, text reads "Your eyes" (YGO**Bakura/Kaiba: Your eyes)
I'm trying to remember some links, so I'm going to put them here for later. At least one of them:

*Broadway in Atlanta

Because I've already told [personal profile] katsuko that we're going to see The Phantom of the Opera for the birthdays. I want to take Mum to see Mamma Mia in the theater because we both love the movie.

And Hamilton will be playing in the 2017-2018 season, and you better believe that I got some needs there.

So tired

Thursday, 22 September 2016 02:34 pm
apollymi: Heero, Usagi, and Duo, close up on their eyes, text reads "OT3" (OT3: Duo/Usagi/Heero (eyes))
Yeah, I guess I'm just going to keep recycling this particular set of subject lines. It remains true, either way, recycled or not. At this rate, it feels like it will continue to be true for some time yet to come. I'm not sure how to articulate the how or why, but it feels true.

I'm back to counting my calories. I've already managed to blow way past my carbs for the day with a fairly healthy (but apparently carb-heavy) lunch. I've gotten used to using quinoa as a source of protein, but it's pretty heavy in carbohydrates as well, so I might have to use it sparingly. Mum's having fairly good luck on getting fat weight off with cutting down on carbs. I guess I just don't realize how much carbs are in the things I enjoy eating. Damn it.

And that's it.

Definitely fast

Monday, 29 August 2016 07:34 pm
apollymi: Chapter 301 of manga, redeeming power of love, text reads "Even Kyo and Yuya get shojo sparkles" (SDK**Kyo/Yuya: Shojo sparkles?)
This one will not be long, in part because I'm doing it on my phone. The iPhone 6s+ is good for a lot of things, but the screen is still smaller than I'm strictly happy with. Oh well. No worries, right?

I'm doing this in a hurry, because once Mum, Grandmother, Betsy, and Jellybean get here, there will be no time for quiet journal entries. And they're probably about 30 minutes to an hour out yet. Yeah, I left Atlanta, had to detour through Statesboro, and still managed to beat them here. Hells, they were just leaving half an hour before I arrived.

It took 5 and a half hours, but I'm here. And I'm freaking exhausted already... pre-Jellybean.

Jimi's songs

Tuesday, 23 August 2016 09:24 pm
apollymi: Ninth Doctor, text reads "Oh, look who just graduated from idiot school" (DW**9th Doctor: Idiot school)
Jimi is singing me songs of his sad and lonely people, even though he is sitting right across the room from me and Roo. Roo, on the other hand, has been the most clingy of boys and is currently taking a bath on me. He has made everything today every difficult, including just going to the bathroom; I ended up having to tote him along with me and pull off my jeans one-handed to achieve toilet.

Today is Day 13 of 23 straight at Mirko. I've already called over the restaurant to ask Carlos if he printed a copy of tomorrow's catering for the kitchen... and he answered the phone with "I've already printed a copy for the kitchen, was there anything else you needed?" Okay, what? Has he memorized my number? Or does the caller ID show my name when I call? I wonder. I'm going to have to check that out tomorrow.

I might also have talk to him a bit about getting some keys to the restaurant for these catering days. I can't get the food started, but I can get the rest of the prep work out of the way while I'm waiting on a kitchen worker to show up.

And yeah, I'm killing time until [personal profile] katsuko gets to leave IKEA for the night. I'm going to go pick her up at the train station. I wish I could say we're going to the gym after that, but nope, we have to be back at the restaurant so early in the morning that it wouldn't make sense to try for a gym visit tonight.

I'm putting back on all the weight I lost... not that that was so much, but it's fucking disappointing when Mum has lost something like 18 pounds over the last several months.