Shame

Saturday, 10 June 2017 11:19 pm
apollymi: Chaucer looking annoyed, text reads "I will eviscerate you in fiction" (AKT**Chaucer: Eviscerate you in fiction)
I feel like I should be ashamed of some of the things I've googled today. I'm not even going to think about listing some of them here. Suffice it to say that they've almost all been very, very NSFW. Some have turned out to be rather NSFS (not safe for soul). Most of them were just complete NSFW, though, and I'm all right with that.

I've tried to do a nap today, but it never actually ended up working. I had way too much feline assistance as the case turned out.

I just need to finish the fill that I'm on right now, and then I think I'm going to switch over to the modern au for a bit again. I'm just feeling like I need to get most of my Goody's past their traumas and into the happier sexy times. Weirdly, the other three versions of this story aren't nearly as trauma filled as the two where both characters remain male.

Because yes, [community profile] 15kinks led us to developing five different versions of the same story: canon era (male Faraday/male Goodnight), modern au (male Faraday/male Goody), femme Faraday modern au (with male Goody), femme Goody modern au (with male Faraday), and femme Faraday/femme Goody canon era. The ones with probably the least issues and angst are probably the femme Goody/male Faraday ones, with femme Faraday/male Goody running a close second, then the femmes coming in third. Canon Era and Modern AU? Holy shit, the trauma, issues, and angst. We've spent way too much time working on the angst, issues, and trauma for those two verses. Canon era is the original one, followed by modern au. The other verses came later, in order: femme Faraday, femme Goody, and then the femmes.

And yeah, I guess that's enough babble about the shit I've been writing. Now to go back to actually writing it.

A good plan

Thursday, 8 June 2017 09:55 pm
apollymi: Kyo and Yuya back to back, red background, no text (SDK**Kyo/Yuya: The red strokes)
I'm trying to convince myself that sleep sounds like a good plan.

I'm the kind of tired that requires sleep to correct, but I'm also the kind of tired that nothing sounds good, not even sleep.

That said, I'm still going to be trying to make a bit of sleep happen, so that we can accomplish all the things that need to be accomplished tomorrow.

Gotta get up early and go by the bank. Gotta get money from my Ally account, deposit in the Regions account, pay the rent (late), and go to the train station. If I have money left over, I'm so having breakfast. Then [personal profile] katsuko has got to come home, stop by the office and make sure they see the rent payment, probably do some stuff around the house, and go to Mirko for dinner shift. When I get off work, I have to catch the train to Lindbergh Station then catch the bus to the restaurant until she's done with dinner shift. Though to be fair, I'll probably hang at Panera Bread instead, because I don't want to be drafted into work or have to put up with Josh's bitch ass.

Also I may or may not have inducted my coworkers at New Job into calling Carlos "Car-LaLa" and "Carlito". Because I'm a grown-up like that.

And on that bizarre note, I think I'm going to go throw myself at my bed and see if it accepts me as one of its own. Peace, babes!

Tired

Tuesday, 6 June 2017 11:23 pm
apollymi: Manic look Ninth Doctor, text reads "I solemnly swear I'm up to no good" (DW**9th Doctor: Up to no good)
I'm sitting here watching [personal profile] katsuko sleep on the other end of the couch, and all I can think about is how much I wish that were me napping so hard. I really feel like I need one, even though I really should already be in bed by now.

As tired as I am, I should already be in my bed, curled up and bracing myself to face another day.

Also, distressingly, I'm looking at the GSU website. Everything I'm seeing says that my probationary period is 6 months, not 90 days like LaTrease was telling me. These are very different date ranges, and I really kind of have to have an idea of which one of these it is. If it's 90 days, then I can take my time off for Dragon*Con, Halloween, and when Mist comes to town. If it's 6 months, then that's October -- and the only one of those three sets of dates I'm hoping for off that I can even ask for will be Halloween.

It also means that that's the soonest I could go see a doctor is at the end of October.

I really hope that what LaTrease is telling me is the correct information. I'm well past needing to get back on my crazy pills. But also I'm just sick and tired of always feeling sick and tired.

And yeah, that's all I've got for today.

Whoops

Monday, 5 June 2017 10:23 pm
apollymi: Stitch doing an handstand and wiggling his butt, no text, animated (L&S**Stitch: Kiss my ass)
I fell asleep on the couch tipped at a very uncomfortable angle. Now my neck hurts.

[personal profile] katsuko's parents are going to loan us some of the money towards rent... with stipulations. It has to all be paid back... and she has to consider if she wants a roof over her head or to go to Dragon*Con. Honestly, it read more like "You aren't to go to this thing if you ever want financial help again". And it's like, I wash my hands of these people. I'm done with them.

So that's some of the worry off our heads. We're still going to be tight as hell for the next two weeks, but we'll muddle through. I've got bulk meals that I know how to make to stretch our money a ways further, and I have coupons (and I'm not afraid to use them).

But yeah, that's the state of things. Fun times all around.

Stress

Sunday, 4 June 2017 11:19 pm
apollymi: Kaiba and Bakura, close up on faces, text reads "Don't fear the reaper" (YGO**Bakura/Kaiba: Don't fear the reape)
We're no closer to an actual solution to the dilemma.

I know now that the closest extended stay motel that will allow pets is the Studio 6. I know that it will end up being close to $500 a week to stay at one of these places, and that's just really not feasible, not right now. And yes, that is at the cheaper end of the scale. Yes, the need for paying separate utilities would be eliminated, but we would have to get a bigger storage unit to put all the furniture into.

Apparently, we just need $300 more, if we draft every single penny of my paycheck on Friday towards rent. Yes, it will leave me with absolutely no money until the end of the month, but needs must. We need a place to live a lot more than I need food. I'm pretty sure I can live off my fat for a few weeks.

Yeah, I got fucking nothing. I got a whole lot of fucking nothing.

Intentions

Monday, 22 May 2017 10:58 pm
apollymi: Jensen playing with the homemade monsters,  text reads "I am sane-ish" (Losers**Jensen: Sane-ish)
Today I fully intend to be in bed by 11:30. We'll see if that actually ends up happening or not, but that's my intention.

I am in the middle of writing my "Mirrors" prompt for [community profile] 15kinks (since I already finished "Possessiveness" and [personal profile] katsuko has already finished "Rimming"), and the words don't want to stop coming.

Anyway, I'm going to see how many more words I can get by 11:30 (or 11:45) and then I'm off to bed.

G'night, all.

Long day was long

Saturday, 20 May 2017 10:51 pm
apollymi: Chaucer looking annoyed, text reads "I will eviscerate you in fiction" (AKT**Chaucer: Eviscerate you in fiction)
So the porn scene [personal profile] katsuko and I were working on ate away at our respective brains. I ended up being up until 2 this morning working on it. I intended to catch a quick nap until I had to be up by 5 for the TOEFL test I was administering, but Roo decided I needed to wake up around 3 or 3:30 to acknowledge him.

Honestly, I ended up sitting at the end of the bed crying because he keeps doing this and it makes sleep so difficult. [personal profile] katsuko evicted him, and I moved to my bedroom couch and got a little sleep.

The test itself was... all right. We had one no show and two people who showed up with invalid IDs.

After the test, I caught the train to North Springs, let [personal profile] katsuko pick me up, we had some dinner, and then we came home and we both passed the fuck out. We got home around 2:30 or so, and neither of us woke up until after 5:30. I could still drop off where I'm sitting.

That said, I think I'm going to go ahead and crash. Sleep is sounding o damn fantastic, after all.

Sleepy and kinky

Thursday, 18 May 2017 10:12 pm
apollymi: Usagi, wide eyed and excited, text reads "boy porn!1!" (BSSM**Usagi: Boy porn!1!)
Oh gods, you guys, this story...

So [personal profile] katsuko and I signed up for [community profile] 15kinks because of this story. We are actually doing a version of kink_meme for Goodnight/Faraday (GoodDay). I went ahead and set up an organizational post for it, because this is going to be hella fun.

Honestly, what is it with these two that lets me write shit that's a lot more hardcore than I usually do? I can't even write blowjobs when it comes to Vasquez/Faraday. But Faraday/Goodnight? Faraday has described, in loving detail, some of the stuff he wants to do to Goodnight, up to and including bondage, marking, edging, dominance, and manhandling. For Faraday/Goodnight, I've written a rather decently thorough blowjob, complete with a failed attempt at deep throating and a little breathplay.

Yeah, I got nothing for why I can write this sort of thing for one pairing but not others.

But it's also late, so I'm going to try to finish up as much of this scene as I can.

Later, all.

Falling asleep

Tuesday, 16 May 2017 10:32 pm
apollymi: Faraday and Vasquez fighting back to back, no text (Mag7**Vasquez/Faraday: Shootout)
I keep almost falling asleep on the keyboard. That's actually a bit embarrassing. It's probably a sign that I should be heading on to bed, but I want to finish up more of the scene that [personal profile] katsuko and I have been working on for the last couple of days now. Yeah, the less than happy but somewhat canon compliant Goodnight/Faraday... though in both of the cases where we've written it, it's been Faraday/Goodnight. I'm not too sure what to do with that.

Yeah, I haven't got too much awake left in me, so I'm going to try to get a bit more done on this scene then go collapse.

Plan?
Plan.

Something quick

Saturday, 13 May 2017 10:22 pm
apollymi: Bakura and Kaiba fanart, black & purple background, text reads "We'll make something out of nothing" (YGO**Bakura/Kaiba: Something out of not)
Well, we did the meal with [personal profile] desolate03. It was rather short and all the way down on the side of town where I work, but the food was good and filling. It was a good visit all in all, if short as ever.

And then [personal profile] katsuko and I ended up talking ourselves into writing a semi-canon compliant Faraday/Goodnight fic... and it's approximately 88% hate sex and bad BDSM etiquette. But amusingly, we're both working on that other 12% right now. She's working on the almost sweet sex at the beginning, and I'm working on the post-Battle of Rose Creek set up they need to be having. It's going to be fucking glorious and painful and a train wreck. I'm looking forward to it.

But other than that, it's been a fairly quiet day. We watched a movie at home, I forgot about making dinner until nearly 9:30 at night, and Roo chewed his way into a bag of Doritos. That's been the most noteworthy things of the day.

And on that note, I'm going to back to that 12% of GoodDay happiness. Later, all.

Pepper

Thursday, 11 May 2017 10:01 pm
apollymi: The Labyrinth goblins staring out of dark background, text reads "The goblins are out to get you" (Labyrinth**Goblins: Out to get you!)
Right now I have enough Dr Pepper in me to fuel a trip to Mars. I didn't want to fall asleep at the keyboard again today like I did yesterday, even though I'm running on even less sleep today than yesterday.

Just one more work day this week, and then I have a couple of days off. [personal profile] desolate03 is back in town, so I know that [personal profile] katsuko and I will be having dinner with her on Saturday, though if my paycheck doesn't get here soon, it's going to be an awfully slim dinner... like Taco Bell or something. Nothing wrong with that, mind you, because Taco Bell is what we tend to eat when we're short on cash anyway, but it seems pretty bad to do that when she's only in town a couple of times a year. Maybe it'll be here by tomorrow. I can hope anyway, because I also need to pay the Verizon bill Saturday as well.

The checks are mailed from Alpharetta, so you would think that would mean they would be arriving here soon. I was actually kind of hoping for it to arrive early, in fact. I guess that was hoping for too much, though.

And yeah, that's about all I've got for today. I call myself trying to make words happen on Wicked Ones, but it's fighting me. I got a lovely long, long review for it, and I feel like I need to update it now after that. I've got Chapter 18 finished, but I want more of 19 completed before I post it.

So, I admit to defeat. I'm gonna go do the sleep thing. G'night, all.

Awake

Wednesday, 10 May 2017 09:45 pm
apollymi: Cup of coffee, pen, and written on paper, text reads "Writer" (My Writing: Writer)
I'm not sure I'm actually awake typing this. I feel more asleep than awake.

Which means tomorrow is absolutely going to suck. It's going to fucking suck out loud. Because tomorrow is my morning to open at New Job. To learn how to open, I guess is the better way to put that.

At least I got to pick the morning I was going to train. I picked tomorrow because [personal profile] katsuko has to be at IKEA at 6:00 a.m. Getting to pick the day I'm training does help.

But either way it's going to suck because it's so early.

But it's so that I know what I'm doing when I have to go in on the 20th from 7:00 until 12:30 in order to administer the TOEFL test.

But I'm still just trying my best to keep my eyes open. At least until I finish typing up what I handwrote and then go to bed. I'm gonna go do that now.

Tired

Tuesday, 9 May 2017 10:06 pm
apollymi: Duo, Usagi, and Heero with grunge border, text reads "OT3" (OT3: Duo/Usagi/Heero (grunge))
[personal profile] katsuko and I went back to see Guardians of the Galaxy, Volume 2 today. It was every bit as good the second time around.

Tomorrow at New Job is my new employee orientation. Because I'm on my third week, and I'm just now getting my orientation in. Of course, Anastasia has been there two weeks longer than me and is just now getting her orientation in too.

Anyway, I'm falling asleep where I sit, so I'm going to finish this up. I still need to type up what I wrote at work today. I keep thinking that, if I get a nap, I'll be good to go to knock this bit of copying over, but I know how I am after a nap: I'm tired, grouchy, and lethargic; I'll be even less enthused about getting this done than I already am.

But I also keep falling asleep where I sit, so I'm going to get this done and go the fuck to bed. Later, all.

Early but

Monday, 8 May 2017 10:28 pm
apollymi: Steve & Danny hugging, text reads "Stop breaking my fucking heart" (H50**Steve/Danny: Stop breaking my ❤)
It's like super early for going to bed, but I'm so freaking tired that bed is not far away. I'm not sure that I'm going to hit 1000 words today, even with the words I have handwritten, but I guess that might be okay. It's not a hill I want to die on today, if nothing else. So I'm going to type this up, type up what I handwrote at work today, and then go the fuck to bed.

I'm a little frustrated with all the things I'm working on, actually. I have a list of complaints, even. Wicked Ones was easier to work on before the characters made up and started getting along. Damning the Devil is at a full stop, to the point it's being plundered for ideas for other stories. Memento Mori is fighting me hard, but it's not ready for a scene change yet. Lev7 is pretty much at a standstill, because while we might have the entire first job mostly sketched out, it's very rough and I'm not sure how to get from where we are to where we need to be. Monstrous: After Midnight is fighting me, in part because the bits I'm working on are the final battle, and I blow at fight scenes, I really do. Resurrectionist is giving me relationship fits, because I actually have developed so much love for the Goody/Faraday pairing at the beginning that I'm sorta "meh" on it ever turning OT4 at the end... though the threesome that will end up ensuing later on still makes my fucking day so much.

And even though I'm the one proposing a "Aces High" challenge -- a writing challenge to come up with Mag7 fanfic where at least one of the characters is asexual -- I have no ideas whatsoever on it. I'm not even working with [personal profile] katsuko on the one she's writing.

I feel like I'm being left in the dust by everyone. I kinda hate it. At the same time, though, yeah, why not. I'm no good as a Mag7 author without [personal profile] katsuko. No one reads my YGO stuff. My crossovers are a joke. And my actual novels? Clearly worthless, given the stellar lack of sales. Why am I fucking bothering? Why do I even try, you know?

What gets comments? The stories or sections of stories that [personal profile] katsuko writes. What gets kudos? The two stories that I just consulted on. What gets the most love? The story that I've barely written on and more or less just maintain the website.

Why do I bother trying to write. Why do I bother, period, full stop.

Whistling badass

Friday, 5 May 2017 11:46 pm
apollymi: Doujinshi art, Roy & Ed, no text (FMA**Roy/Ed: These quiet moments)
So, I've survived another week at New Job. I'm tired. I'm so damn exhausted, truth be told, but I've made it another week.

I'm getting a little closer to being official at GSU. What I do have: an ADP account for time management (and HR), an email address, a computer login, and a Panther campus ID card. What I don't have yet: keys, an ADP login card for doing my own clock-ins and clock-outs, and a few other things. I'm not sure I feel like a full-fledged employee just yet.

[personal profile] katsuko and I did go to see Guardians of the Galaxy, Volume 2 today. It was very good. I'm not saying too much more, because... spoilers. But Yondu is a whistling badass, and I adore him. I want to pick up Baby Groot and freaking cuddle him. There are indeed 5 after credit scenes. Kurt Russell chews on the damn scenery every chance he gets. There are plenty of Easter eggs in the credits. I would like to reiterate that I love Peter Quill and I want to see much, much more of him; I cannot wait for The Avengers: Infinity War to come out.

I like what I love most about the Guardians of the Galaxy movies is that they feel very self-contained. It doesn't feel like each movie is setting up the next in the franchise constantly. Like how all the Phase One individual movies set up The Avengers and how The Avengers: Age of Ultron sets up Thor: Ragnarok and how Captain America: Civil War sets up Spiderman: Homecoming... and so on and so forth. No, the Guardians of the Galaxy movies are self-contained and, for the most part, never even venture to Earth/Terra.

And yeah, that's all I've got to say on the matter. I need to get [personal profile] katsuko into a bed, because she has an early shift in the morning.

So.... later, all.

Something

Thursday, 4 May 2017 11:01 pm
apollymi: Kaiba looking determined, text reads "Where angels fear to tread" (YGO**Kaiba: Where angels fear to tread)
One of these nights I'm actually going to have something worthwhile to say here, instead of always bitching about sleep and how tired I am and all that shit.

I did manage to write some today. It was on Wicked Ones and Resurrectionist, a little bit on each one, probably less than 400 words in total. But I'm trying. I'm working on getting words. They are happening; they're just happening slowly. But whatever works, right? As long as the words occur, that's what matters, yes?

I don't think I'm going to get a thousand words today. I'll be doing good to break 700 in total, I'm thinking.

And I won't get too many words done tomorrow either. I'm finally in the computer system at New Job, so tomorrow I have to go get my picture ID and my keys. I'll also be getting an email address set up tomorrow too.

...Plus... Movie. Tomorrow is the day that [personal profile] katsuko and I are going to see Guardians of the Galaxy, Volume 2. I'm seriously excited. You can't tell it, but I am.

Anyway, that's about it. Later.

End of April Camp

Sunday, 30 April 2017 10:35 pm
apollymi: Sailor Moon posing, no text (BSSM**Usagi: ☮ (Peace!))
It's the very last day of Camp NaNoWriMo April Edition. It's been a fun right. I can say that I did finish the month with over 50,000 words, which was my goal. I did decide at the last minute that I wanted to write more words than [personal profile] daimeryan_rei, which was probably a dumb idea, since Dirj writes like a mother, and it meant I needed to do a last minute word sprint to get to where I wanted to be. It meant I had to break out Write or Die to get a thousand words in 30 minutes at one point. I'm trying my best to get the words I need, but it's going to be tight. I'm not sure how much awake I've got left in me at this point.

On the other hand, I had a nice two days off in a row, and I think I'm going to get very spoiled on that. It gave me long enough to feel a little less run down. It gave my feet long enough to stop hurting quite as much as they were before.

Tuesday I do have my Benefits orientation, so I'll be getting myself signed up for those in the very near, which is damn nice. That's a nice thing to be moving towards. I'm still not sure if I'm going to go with Single Healthcare or Domestic Partnership Healthcare. It's a terribly important thing to be deciding on, though, so I'm not rushing it. Either way, [personal profile] katsuko still has her coverage through IKEA, which also covers me until mine goes into effect. If I go with single coverage, then in June, during open enrollment, she can change to single as well. If I go with the domestic partner coverage, she cancel her IKEA one altogether.

But that's a saga for Tuesday. Right now I'm not going to worry about it, since it's something I'm not making decisions on until I have all the information in front of me.

And Friday is the new Guardians of the Galaxy movie! I so cannot wait! I need some good, happy Marvel movie. Because my Tumblr is alive with bitching about Captain America: Civil War, and I'm fucking sick of it. It's been the first fandom thing I've blocked on Tumblr.

And I guess it's time for me to get my ass to bed. The morning comes early, since I have to have [personal profile] katsuko to IKEA by 7:00 and myself to New Job by 8:30. Later, all.

Whoops

Saturday, 29 April 2017 11:53 pm
apollymi: Steve & Danny on couch, text reads "It is what it is" (H50**Steve/Danny: It is what it is)
I think I slept most of one of my two days off away. I mean, it's nice, because I feel a little closer to human, more than I have in weeks, really. But I saw [personal profile] katsuko off to work this morning at 6:15 or so, stayed awake until I got a text saying she was at work, went back to sleep, stayed asleep until almost 11, piddled around the house until she got home from work at 3:40 or so, ran errands, came home, laid down for a nap at 8:30... and just now woke up again.

And now it's almost 1 in the damn morning, I think I'm going to be going back to bed PDQ (pretty damn quick).

But on the other hand, I did manage to accomplish one thing: I bought [personal profile] katsuko and I tickets to see Guardians of the Galaxy, Volume 2. Okay, granted, I bought them for Thursday, because I was looking at the wrong week's schedule for [personal profile] katsuko. So part of our errands today was to go by the movie theatre and exchange them for tickets for the most appropriate Friday showing.

I am so stupidly excited about this movie. I'm desperately avoiding spoilers, but everyone has said that they enjoyed it. That's a good sign.

Even if I did dream a bit of fucked-up-ness of Chris Pratt's characters from the last three movies I saw him in (Joshua Faraday, Owen Grady, and Peter Quill) all being half-brothers, because Ego the Living Planet cannot keep it in his/its metaphorical pants throughout time and space.

And I refuse to write that. I will not write that. Not when I still have so many projects on my plate.

Last day

Sunday, 23 April 2017 04:05 pm
apollymi: Close ups of Arthur and Eames, no text (Incep**Eames/Arthur: Dream bigger)
Today is my last day at Mirko. It feels like the end of an era... but a good thing at the same time. I've had this job for 2 1/2 years, and it's kept me (mostly) above water in some really hard financial times. But it's also been one of the most stressful times of my life, no thanks to the job. I'm not sad to see it go, but it's going to be weird now that's not here. If that makes sense.

I haven't written nearly as much today as I wanted to, but I'm still going. I'll get there. I'll get my word count in. I will get there. I'll get my words in before I have to go home for the night and do all those other things: cooking lunch, washing my hair, shaving my legs, etc.

And yeah, that's about it. I'm really a boring person right now. We'll see how I am tomorrow, though.

The tentative plan for tomorrow is to be at the train station by or before 7:00. I'll need to get the 7:19 train, so I need to allow myself time to find parking (though hopefully it won't be too long that early in the morning). [personal profile] katsuko will travel with me as far as Arts Center Station, where she will get off for IKEA. I'll go on to Peachtree Center Station, where I will then have a 10 minute walk to New Job. I'm trying to be there before 8:30. Today is sort of the test to see about times and so forth. At 5:15, when I get off work, I'll take the train as far as Art Center Station, get off, wait there for [personal profile] katsuko to get there from IKEA, and then we'll take the train all the way back to North Springs... and then drive the rest of the way home. It is a plan. We'll see how it ends up working, though.

And that's really it. I'm out of words for journaling. Later, my freaky darlings.

Dark Matters

Wednesday, 19 April 2017 10:42 pm
apollymi: Zack facing away, text reads "So don't judge me by my failures, only by my dreams" (FF7**Zack: Judge me only by my dreams)
I need to say all this, and it's probably going to break me a little -- a lot -- to get any of it out, but it has to happen. It's just sitting behind my throat, eating away at me, and if I don't get it out, I feel like I'm going to go mad.

Jimi died yesterday, Tuesday the 18th. )