(no subject)

Monday, 21 August 2017 10:50 pm
apollymi: Trunks staring off in the middle distance, no text (DBZ**Trunks: Sentinel)
I'm trying to be better about sharing pictures of the girls on my Instagram. It's a sort of ongoing thing. I'm not so sure how great it's going to end up working, but it's encouraging me to play around more with my photography. I think that's a good thing.

Tomorrow is my doctor's appointment. I'm seriously looking forward to the thing. I know I need to leave my house tomorrow morning at 6:00 a.m. to drop [personal profile] katsuko off at IKEA and then still get to work on time, having the car with me. I'll leave work at 1:15, which should give me just enough time to get there ahead of time and fill out all my requisite paperwork ahead of my 2:45 appointment. I've got my list of things I want to discuss with my doctor. The top three are (1) getting back on an antidepressant, (2) figuring out what's going on with my period, and (3) what the fuck is up with my foot and can I get a note to my job saying I can wear supportive tennis shoes (instead of dress shoes) because of the pain.

I've gotten as many of my medical records together as I can easily find. I'm not sure if they'll all be of any use, but I brought them out anyway. I'll try to remember to switch bags tomorrow so that I can carry it with me. I can't eat anything after 10:30, which is going to fucking suck out loud.

Or I'm going to do these things if [personal profile] katsuko lets me do any of the things.

I'm going to go commandeer this task back from her now. Later, all.

Long day

Saturday, 19 August 2017 11:31 pm
apollymi: Faraday counting his kills on this fingers, animated gif, no text (Mag7**Faraday: Counting kills)
For as little as I did today, it felt both long and exhausting. I mean, honestly, I woke up with a screaming headache, saw [personal profile] katsuko off to work. I putzed around on my phone until I got the text that she had arrived safely at work, and then I went back to bed. Boo hung out on the bed with me, though she did bail when Luci showed up. I slept until around 10:30 or 11:00, got up and fed the cats, and putzed around on the computer. Some of what I did was editing, but mostly it was reading Jurassic World fanfic...

...because every time I try to rewatch the movie, it's usually so late at night that I fall asleep somewhere in the vicinity of the Raptor Motorcycle Gang and wake back up in time for the closing credits. Which, whoops, defeats the purpose of trying to rewatch a movie.

I'm also trying to find my copy of Ocean's Eleven, because I want to give it a rewatch soon too. In part, this is because I'm giving thought to finally giving the fanfic "Chisolm's Seven" a try again. And in part, it's because I love watching Brad Pitt and George Clooney's characters banter and play off each other. It's sort of cute and sweet and just so on point... and I wish I could emulate it in my writing. I try, sometimes, but I think I fall short.

Also, I forgot to say, but as of last Thursday, I've written more than 365,000 words this year. How much of it will ever be seen is something I don't know. I'm enjoying the things I'm writing, but I freely admit that the stuff I'm writing breaks up the fandom OTPs... and I don't even care.

We did the fancy dinner out that we've been wanting to do for months, and it was every bit as good as we were hoping. We got most of the grocery shopping done. And yeah, that's about all I've got to report. I've napped so much today that, while I'm exhausted, I'm not sleepy, so I'm not in bed. I'm tempted to go make a video of [personal profile] katsuko though, since she's snoring away. (Yes, snoring.)

Either way, though, it's time to end this entry. Later, all.

zz

Thursday, 17 August 2017 10:53 pm
apollymi: Ninth Doctor, text reads "Oh, look who just graduated from idiot school" (DW**9th Doctor: Idiot school)
Okay, I guess I need to write a little something. I'm not sure what, if anything, I have to say, but words do still need to happen.

Something about Tuesdays and Thursdays brings out the crazies to the testing center. I get the ones who want to argue about each and every little thing (mostly GACE testers, which OMG, they're teachers, why are they always late and rude). I get the ones who are "running late (also, mostly GACE, but sometimes STEP testers). I get the ones who pick their toenails under the desk. I get the ones who heave heavy sighs when I make them take their feet out of the chairs. I get so many rolled eyes that it's freaking ridiculous. I want to tell them that their eyes are gonna roll out at the rate they're going.

Mondays aren't usually too bad. Maybe it's because everyone's having a bad day, and we can all kind of laugh it off with one another as a bad case of the Mondays. Fridays aren't usually too bad, because sometimes we can leave a little early, and usually everyone's just counting down for the weekend, us and the testers alike. And Wednesdays are usually pretty calm. Except yesterday. Yesterday, I met Isla Fisher. That cancelled out any calmness I might have had. I played it cool and didn't say a word about knowing who she was. She was pretty freaking awesome, though, and a much better mum than most of the ones we get in for the (unfortunately named) SCAT test.

Tomorrow is a long day. I have to be at work between 7:30 and 7:45, so that I can leave when the MCAT students are done testing. I'm seriously looking forward to that. I'm ready for an early day. Maybe not the arriving early part of the day, but the leaving early is appealing. But then it's just a trip over to Mirko to get the car then Panera to wait for [personal profile] katsuko to get off from the restaurant. Normally, I would pack up my laptop to take with me for Long Day, but I think I'm just going to stick with the iPad tomorrow.

Saturday, we're going to try to go to the tour at Oakland Cemetery. Saturday's topic is Oakland and the Civil War, which seems topically important right now. I want to find out about parking and all before we go with Mist in September.

Also, the AC is now supposedly fixed. I'm enjoying having airflow without hearing water dripping.

And that's it. It's time to go to bed, since tomorrow is an early day. Later, all!

So tired

Monday, 14 August 2017 11:09 pm
apollymi: Hansel & Gretel in the woods, text reads "We've got the taste of blood" (H&G: Hansel & Gretel: Taste of blood)
I'm so damn tired, but I'm trying to edit some of the [community profile] 15kinks stories into something like coherency. It seems that, when I was sleeping one night, I managed to open up Scrivener on my phone and just sort of flail across the keyboard. There are words that make no sense. There are words that have to be autocorrect or autosuggest at work all over the place. There are random letters scattered here and there.

And that's why I suspect the phone edit thing, more so than the autocorrect and autosuggest things: there are no numbers or symbols that I'm finding. Nope, it's all letters, like switching over to the next keyboard screen was more than my sleepy brain could handle.

So I'm trying to make it make sense again. It's no easy task. And it's not made any easier by the fact that I'm probably just as close to sleep right now as I was when I did this little bout of sleep editing.

That said, though, I think it's time that I go back to bed and try to make sleep happen for a few hours, until it's time to go back to work again. (sad face) Tomorrow will be a long day, since [personal profile] katsuko has IKEA at 7:00 and then Mirko at 5:00. I'll have to get the bus from the train station to the restaurant, and who knows when I'll be dragging my ass in to Buckhead?

Part of me is sadly tempted to just get off the bus at Panera, instead of going on a mile or so further to Mirko, get the car, and going back up to Panera. The only reason I don't is because there is no guarantee that [personal profile] katsuko would be cut before Panera closes into order to come get me.

But it's still stupidly tempting.

Anyway, that's it. That's all I've got. Good night, all.

Writing

Sunday, 13 August 2017 11:31 pm
apollymi: Faraday in black and white, holding his gun, no text (Mag7**Faraday: Black and white)
I didn't get up to as much writing as I wanted to today. Gods know I tried, but the Nyquil and the headache and the lack of headphones didn't cooperate with this endeavor.

In further explanation, I took Nyquil to go to sleep last night. I slept the sleep of the well drugged, completely unconcerned for any spats the kitty girls might have been having. I barely woke up in time for [personal profile] katsuko to go to work, and I barely stayed awake long enough to get her text that she was arrived safely at work. At that point, I laid back down. Luci woke me up at 9:30 knocking stuff off the fridge, because her leaper is fantastic but her traction is in the negatives. I futzed about on the net for a bit, and then I fell asleep again rather than cook lunch. Yes, I literally decided to sleep rather than eat. I do this on the weekends. I don't care.

The headache, I think, is pretty self-explanatory. I took some ibuprofen, and that seemed to help.

The lack of headphones, however, requires some story time. Probably not much, but some. See, I loaned [personal profile] katsuko my headphones. They're not a great pair. In fact, I didn't even buy them: I found them at Panera about 10 months ago. Which is funny, because it was at Panera that I needed them. And I didn't have them. And oh gods, but the children in Panera today made me want to scream.

I have never before met so many children in one place that made me want birth control. Like, "ladies, I know they're your special snowflake of love and all, but they're making me wish for my uterus to spontaneously jump out of my body and flee to the hills". And "I see someone sitting by themselves trying to get work done... I must sit my three children next to them in the empty restaurant". Fucking Buckhead, man. Fucking Buckhead. It made me want to create a Tumblr just to bitch about it, with the subtitle being Buckhead: Where Southern Hospitality Goes To Die.

And Luci has decided today that she loves Roo's old Purple Mouse. Unlike Roo, though, she does not roll over on her back and put it on her head. She lays sedately next to it and sort of snuggles up to it, like it's her best homie. All love should be as pure as Luci and Purple Mouse.

And yeah, I'm deeply out of it, I think, so I'm going to go throw myself at my bed in hopes that sleep will happen. Or something. But hopefully sleep.
apollymi: Finn von Claret (formerly of Abney Park) in steampunk outfit, no text (Steampunk: Cosplay (Abney Park))
Because gods know I've got no words today...

Rules: Choose any 3 fandoms (in random order) and answer the questions. Then tag some friends.

*I choose:
1. The Magnificent Seven (2016)
2. Yu-Gi-Oh (anime and manga)
3. The Avengers/Marvel MCU (This means all the movies so far, plus Agents of SHIELD and the Netflix series currently out)

the questions )

*tagging:
[personal profile] katsuko, [personal profile] daimeryan_rei, and [personal profile] not_hathor

Whoops

Monday, 7 August 2017 11:28 pm
apollymi: Annie gives two thumbs up, text reads "Annie approves", animated (BH**Annie: Approval!)
I managed to fall asleep watching commentary on last night's episode of Game of Thrones. At least I managed to stay away while watching the episode itself. No spoilers, but holy shit, the last fifteen minutes. Holy. Shit. Highlights of [personal profile] katsuko and my reactions:
"Y'all are too busy looking at the distraction. Y'all're gonna regret it."
"Lookit Bronn, being all badass!"
"Oh, tell me Jamie isn't that stupid. Tell me. Lie to me."
"Is that Bronn again? I can't really tell."

And yeah, I love Olenna Tyrell in the last episode, but I loved Jon in this one. I loved the reunions. I loved all the reunions. There were so many to pick from, and so many of them were fantastic.

I guess that's about all I can say on that if I'm not going to do spoilers.

I didn't get a lot of writing done, but I did manage more than I have since the first day of the month. The thing is that I've got just over 12,000 words before I've written 365,000 for the year... in August. I'm tired. I'm so tired so much of the time. But I'm not ready to give up on my #365K/365Day challenge. I'm going to finish strong, so help me.

So we had the flat tire last night. We got the spare tire on in the rain last night... only to leave in the morning and find out that the spare was also flat. So we pulled in to the gas station to try to inflate it: no joy. We decided to go get some Fix-A-Flat and repair it ourselves. We did have a very nice anonymous gentleman stop and help us repair the original tire, getting the nail out and patching it with rubber cement. Even with his help, it took 45 minutes, [personal profile] katsuko was late to work, and I am now seriously broke; he spent at least $10 on buying the repair kits, so I gave him the last $20 I had to my name.

But the tire does seem to be at least semi-repaired. It's holding air again, and it rode us from Roswell to Midtown to Buckhead to Alpharetta and back to Roswell today. That's a good sign, as far as I'm concerned. It just has to last until there is money again. I have $50 left to pay back to the IRS. I still need another $40 or so for an oil change. Apparently, we still need to pay $110 to the apartment complex for paying rent late... but weirdly, they're still showing us as having not paid the full rent. (But the letter they sent was dated on the 4th, the day we paid, so I dunno.)

Anyway, so much to do, so much money to spend. So little time, so little money to actually spend. C'est la vie.
apollymi: Kaiba looking pissed, purple overtones, text reads "Cursed" (YGO**Kaiba: Cursed)
This is going to just be a quickie post while I'm working on getting tonight's episode of Game of Thrones to cooperate.

I feel like this whole week has been a very "one thing after another after another" kind of week. (Yes, I'm counting Sunday as part of last week.) I had the jury duty on Monday. I had a long week at work. I keep getting headaches out of nowhere, unconnected to whether I'm wearing my contacts or my glasses. I had someone complain about me on Friday at work (because I wouldn't let her skip line to go to the bathroom). Yesterday, I ended up wasting a good chunk of the morning waiting to get my contacts... and then most of the rest of the day hunched up in an uncomfortable chair at IKEA. Today I spent bouncing between Panera Breads while [personal profile] katsuko was at first IKEA then Mirko.

I've had a screaming headache since around lunchtime. Unfortunately, I had nothing to take for it until I got home around 10 this evening.

And now we have a flat tire on the car from running over a nail. Because fuck my life.

Honestly.

Girlies

Saturday, 5 August 2017 10:50 pm
apollymi: Cloud leaning on Zack, text reads "Love will find a way" (FF7**Zack/Cloud: Love will find a way)
Boo and Luci are still circling each other. I know it hasn't even been a week yet, and it takes a lot of time. I'm just ready for them to start getting along and stop hissing all the time. It's turned to Boo doing the hissing now, while Luci does her best impression of Snake Cat. (And that's a Google Image Search I never want to do again.)

Well, my eye doctor was finally in the office when I went to pick up my contacts. Granted, it ended up taking a lot longer than I felt like it should have for her to confirm that, yes, my contacts did indeed fit and to give me three boxes of my prescription. It certainly didn't leave me any spare time to go home, and instead I ended up taking [personal profile] katsuko on to IKEA. It did mean that I had to sit in an uncomfortable chair for eight hours drinking a lot of hot tea while I waited on her to finish up, but I got some reading done. I didn't get a lot of writing done, but I did read over some of our previous stuff. Hopefully that will be conducive to getting more writing done tomorrow.

That said, I think it's about time for me to pass the hell out again.

Good night, all.

asleep

Friday, 4 August 2017 10:37 pm
apollymi: Ryou holding Thief King Bakura, text reads "Our Farewell" (YGO**Bakura/Ryou: Our Farewell)
I keep falling asleep today. I fell asleep for a few seconds at the time a few times at work. I fell asleep a couple of times at Panera Bread while [personal profile] katsuko was at the restaurant. I keep falling asleep here at home on the couch.

The girls, Boo and Luci, are hissing at each other today. I don't think Boo is in the mood to be terribly nice. She's tolerating the new kitty, but that's about it. Luci is staying out tonight, and we'll see how that ends up going.

Neither of us have had good writing days so far here in August. Maybe once we get our sleep back on an even keel we'll get some more done, but right now, that's not looking so great. Neither of us have topped a thousand words for more than one day so far... but we're both going to keep trying.

But I'm also going to give up on trying tonight. Sleep well, all.

Exploration City

Tuesday, 1 August 2017 10:27 pm
apollymi: Steve & Danny on couch, text reads "It is what it is" (H50**Steve/Danny: It is what it is)
Luci is all up in the exploration thing today. [personal profile] katsuko decided that she needed some time outside the bathroom to try again meeting Boo and seeing if they can get along. Mostly that consisted of Luci doing her best Halloween cat impression at Boo and Boo giving her the biggest "I am disappointed in your attitude, young lady" face. It's sort of amusing.

She is a sleek gorgeous young lady, with lots of love to give. I just hope she starts extending some of that to Boo. I'm Team Boo here.

I'm also just too tired to do much of anything. Tired and just emotionally null and void.

And that's it.
apollymi: Text only, "Security is going to run you down hard" (Incep**Eames/Arthur: Security)
So yeah, Camp NaNoWriMo is now officially over. Jury duty is now officially over. A one cat household is now officially over. It's a day of endings.

I finished Camp with 61,853 words, which isn't so bad, I guess. It's not fantastic or anything, but it's a good word count. [personal profile] daimeryan_rei said she would get me back for beating her word count back in April, and I'll be damned if she didn't. She didn't just get me back: no, she pretty thoroughly stomped me.

I went in for my jury duty. I feel like I spent most of my day sitting in a chair watching reality TV, mainly Hotel Impossible. The first group (of 70 people) was called back around 9:00 or 9:30 in the morning. The second group (of 40) was called back at around 10:30 in the morning. A break was called that was supposed to be for 20 minutes, but most people came straggling back around 11:00. Finally they came up and said that the third trial of the day had been settled without the need for a jury and the potential jurors for that one could go home. Turned out that that was the trial I was supposed to be on, so I got to bail around 11:45. Since the only thing I'd eaten all day had been some PopTarts out of a vending machine, I went to Peachtree Center for some lunch (Thai noodles, with tofu, steamed veggies, and lots of duck sauce). By then it was nearly 1:30, so I decided to call it a day and go to IKEA to pick [personal profile] katsuko up from work and take her to Mirko.

...which is where point number three comes in. Boo has been acting a bit miserable being an only cat, so we had been talking about looking for her a companion. We were denied at FurKids, and we didn't see anyone that really appealed to us at the Mansell Road Humane Society. But for shits and giggles, we decided to swing through the Howell Mill Road Humane Society on the way to Mirko. [personal profile] katsuko fell in love hard and fast with Lucille -- now Luci -- and we ended up bringing her home today as well. She's currently living it up in the bathroom, while she and Boo have slap fights through the door. And me? I'm trying not to have a hundred panic attacks, because right around the time we got to the adoption process and signing the paperwork, my brain started having the mother of all freakouts. I'm not certain at all that I was ready for a new kitty, but we've got one now, so I'm going to have to do some adapting myself.

One last ending: me being awake is officially over. I've been drifting in and out most of the day, and I think I'm going to sign off on trying to stay awake any longer. It's really early, especially for the last night of a Writing Month, but I'm knackered. I'm too emotional to try to stay awake and deal with anything, so maybe some sleep with put me of a better mood and mental capacity to deal with anything.

So that's what today has been. And that's what I'm going to go do: sleep like a motherfucker.

Good night, all.
apollymi: Duo and Heero embracing, no text (GW**Duo/Heero: No Words)
Okay, it's been a kind of lazy day. [personal profile] katsuko and I slept in a bit, until it was time for her to go to IKEA. I tooled around the house and watched a lot of videos. I tried to write.

Mostly I kept falling asleep.

Tomorrow I have to report for jury duty. I'm really hoping that I'm not selected for a trial. While that might be interesting, I'm still in my probationary period at work and I'm not sure how GSU treats this sort of thing. I can't seem to find that information on the website. Color me shocked: the GSU website is a mess. All I can turn up is that it's not covered by FMLA.

And yeah... I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to manage to stay awake. I'm trying very hard to, but apparently it's damn difficult today for me. Truth be told, it's been damn difficult the last few days for me to stay awake. I'm trying, but I make absolutely no guarantees.

I do have jury duty tomorrow. I have no idea how long it will take. I'm hoping that being a white, liberal, female presenting, LBGTQA atheist with a Master's degree will count against me having to stay. The only box I might tick is "lower middle class", if they're looking by income. I doubt I'm the kind of demographic that people want on their juries. Plus there is the fact that I'm more than a little ill. That might count against me. Maybe I should take my cane tomorrow.

Nah, it'd just be one more thing to have to get checked at the metal detector.

Anyway, after I get done (either for the day or for good) at the courthouse, I have to go to Mirko. [personal profile] katsuko is picking up a shift today and Thursday, in addition to her usual Friday, so there is a that. Maybe we'll have enough to make rent and pay some more on bills and what I owe the IRS. Maybe. We'll see.

And that's all I've got time and energy for. Later, all.
apollymi: Usagi in a swimsuit, no text (BSSM**Usagi: Summer)
God, I am still so wiped out. I wish I knew why. I got enough sleep over the last few days, more or less. More than I usually get, at least. That's a thing, right? More sleep? Because I've been trying to hit the sack right around the same time as [personal profile] katsuko.

I'm not sure how well it's working, though, when I'm always tired. I woke up a little bit ago, having listed over to the side and slept at a horrible angle. Now I'm completely stiff and sore and achy. And I'm a little discontent as well.

To make matters worse, I can't concentrate. I honestly am wondering a little bit if I'm anemic again, because this is very much like the last time I was anemic. I'm trying to eat better now than I was then, but I have been having a series of terrible periods. The first one started on June 05 and went through July 02. The most recent one started on July 18 and is still ongoing. On Friday, in fact, it went haywire: I bled through three pads in about two hours, all the way through the pad, my underwear, my jeans, and onto the chair.

And somehow I have to have jury duty on Monday with all of this going on. Not looking forward to it. I wasn't looking forward to it to begin with, but now I'm really not looking forward to it.

And yeah, writing is not going well with all of this. I'm over my 50,000 minimum words, but I don't think I'm going to hit my unofficial goal. Not unless tomorrow is a fantastic writing day, and I'm not sure how likely that is actually going to be.

Finally, FurKids denied our application for Wilmington and/or Remstar. We went the Humane Society today, the Alpharetta campus, to see if any of the kitties there spoke to us nearly as much as those two did, but no luck. Fury and Missy were probably the closest, and they were sorta iffy. I think we're going to try going to the Howell Mill campus next week and see if any of the other kitties there speak to us. If they don't, then we'll probably go back for either Fury (who I keep calling Diablo, all white cat or not) or Missy. (I did like Bobby, but he's on special food. Yoda was a serious grump lord, so I'm not keen on bringing him home to Boo. Princess was a diva. Panther was a grump. FiFi wants to be the boss of all things. Seriously, it's either Missy or Fury, if we go from Alpharetta.

But I did adore Wilmington, at least from his picture. It does tally with what I saw on all the online reviews: FurKids is actually hard as hell to adopt a pet from. You would think they would want these animals in homes, but apparently making people jump through a thousand hoops, only to say 'no', is more fun? I don't know.

And that's all I've got. I'm just trying to get my minimum 1,000 words for the day. I'm too tired now to keep trying, though, so I'm gonna go to bed.

Good night, all.
apollymi: Manic look Ninth Doctor, text reads "I solemnly swear I'm up to no good" (DW**9th Doctor: Up to no good)
Just when I think we've got our heads above water again, something comes crashing back down to change all that.

Because somehow, despite working over 70 hours in the last two weeks, [personal profile] katsuko's IKEA paycheck take-home was less than $300. Hell, it was barely $200. We needed that money to pay rent. In fact, we'd been hoping to get rent paid on time or early this month. Instead, now, we're going to have to wait until the 4th when my check goes in and hope that she makes enough at the restaurant to make up the difference.

And I still have to pay another $110 to the IRS as soon as possible. They want it within seven days (I'm not sure if that's seven business days or just seven days) in order for me to keep my part of the contract. But the other part of the IRS said that they will be sending me a letter saying it has to be paid in full within 30 days. And I just don't know. It's ridiculous.

But in addition to our nearly $1000 rent payment, I also have to come up with that $110 for the IRS. Plus $110 in late fees that will be assessed because we have to pay after the 3rd now. And I just have to hope that I have all this together by the 9th, because on the 10th, they evict us. Plus I have to pay for our storage building (another $70) and renter's insurance ($25). And then there's the Verizon phone bill ($214). But at least I managed to get the internet and car insurance paid before this.

I'm regretting going to the eye doctor, though. Yes, I didn't have any more contacts and, yes, [personal profile] katsuko's glasses were six years old, but we need that money now. I don't regret the money I spent towards getting Roo taken care of, even the $90 for them to make a paw print impression for us, because that needed to be done, but that was a huge $400 bill. Because, yes, cremation is apparently expensive as hell, but I wanted my boy to be treated right.

I'm just out of ideas. Obviously, I'm also out of money. I'm about to the point of trying to sell plasma for money. I'm already going to be selling a lot of my DVDs and BluRays for money and hoping I get a decent bit for them. I'm also probably going to be selling my XBox 360.

I'm just... This is all too, too much. I'm mentally and emotionally and physically exhausted. I'm at the point of possibly having to say no conventions this year. I might have to tell Mist not to come visit because we won't be able to afford anything while she's here, if I'm crunching the numbers right. And I might need to cancel my doctor's appointment for next month, the one that's supposed to tell me while I've had a period last three and a half weeks, go down to spotting for a week and a half, then start again ten days ago -- and is still ongoing.

I'm at my wit's end.
apollymi: Giles holding a blue cup of tea, text reads "cuppa tea" (BtVS**Giles: Cuppa tea)
Well, I've officially broken my 50,000 word goal. That's a good thing at least. I got out Write or Die, so I have a nice and high word count for the day, so I can go to bed at a semi-decent hour. I'm still working on the unofficial goal of 65,000 words. I'm not completely sure that I'll reach that, but I'm going to try.

Work was work. We had some computer issues and some difficult testers and all, but I made it through the day.

Roo was ready to pick up this afternoon, and [personal profile] katsuko did it, since she was already off work and I still had a couple hours left. We have him with Aya and Jimi. His paw print is on the mantle piece with Jimi's as well. That's significantly harder.

I found out the other day that part of my job is in a bit of jeopardy because I still owe the IRS money. Specifically, I still owe them $166 from 2013, money I thought was already paid. And after the rather huge bill with Roo, nearly $400, it's also money that I don't have. I have seven days from receiving the letter to have it paid in full or in a payment plan or risk losing that part of my job.

And yeah, that's the daily freakout.
apollymi: Don Schanke with a paper, looking very unimpressed, no text (FK**Schanke: Schanke is unimpressed)
I feel like I'm almost caught up with where I need to be for sleep, except that I'm about to start back to work tomorrow, which means a distinct lack of sleep again.

That isn't to say that I haven't spent the day drifting off at the odd moment, including at Panera Bread, but at least I haven't felt as drained as I usually do. I do, however, have the distinct impression that the weekend went by without me.

And I know that's because I spent the whole weekend drifting by in a sort of haze. Honestly, I'm a little bit still there. I keep looking for Roo on the end of the couch or Jimi snuggled up next to me. I feel like I'm constantly having to be the brave one and not let myself break down in tears... aside from the panic attack I had on the phone with Mom when I first got home on Friday and found Roo.

I hate having to feel like I need to be the strong one. I would love the opportunity to break down. I'm tired of being strong. But I can't seem to get past that block in my brain that says I have to be. I can't stop hearing Oyaji's voice in my head every time I start crying, calling them "crocodile tears" or telling me to grow up or something like that. It's not healthy, but that's where my brain is at.

Anyway, I need to go crawl into my bed. 5:30 gets here awfully early, after all.
apollymi: Captain America in the middle of rubble, no text (Aveng**Cap: Devestation)
I can't say that I feel much of anything today. I'm numb, is probably the best way to say it. I'm numb and emotionally void. I'm flying mostly on autopilot last night and today, and I just don't even know what to do about it.

I'm just tired and numb and void. I've got nothing in me. I'm trying to keep on keeping on, and I'm not sure how much of that I've got left in me.

Because we already had the appointments, both [personal profile] katsuko and I had our eyes checked today. She needed new glasses desperately, and my last pair of contact lenses ripped on Friday. Her glasses are being made, and I'll have my contacts in a week or so. I have a trial pair for now, which is better than nothing, I suppose.

We have had a Boo hanging out with us every time we're still for more than a few minutes at the time. She's not on the furniture with us while we're writing or anything, but she's hanging in the same room as us, which is new and different and definitely not unwelcome.

I keep worrying that she's going to get lonesome on her own. She's always had at least one other kitty around. I'm just not sure that [personal profile] katsuko and I are both ready for a new cat. I'm not sure if we're recovered from losing Jimi and now, after losing Roo, it's all so raw. But I also feel like we need to do what's best for her and think about if she needs a companion.

But like I told [personal profile] katsuko, no decisions right now, not while we're not at our best. Boo will forgive us that much at least, if she does feel lonely. We need a little time... and we need a chance to recover financially from the unexpected cremation cost. Because that was nearly $400 we did not have to spare.

And yeah, I'm just null and void. I'm numb beyond meaning of the word. I just don't care anymore. I can't make myself feel anything.
apollymi: Black cat sitting on pumpkins, no text (Proud mom of a black cat) (Kitten: Black cat)
I can't even. I've got nothing.

I came home from work today, to find Roo had passed away. We had him from the time he was six weeks old until he was eleven.

He had a bad bout of anemia from fleas last fall, though, and he never really recovered his health from it. Last night, he was a bit weak, a bit shaky in his back legs. This morning, he didn't want breakfast but nibbled on some dry food when I put it out. Given his low weight thanks to the anemia, we decided he needed a vet visit today. Neither of us could get off work on short notice, so we decided that, if I could get out on time, I would go get him and take him.

Well, I got off early, got [personal profile] katsuko dropped off at Mirko, and came to the house... to find he had passed away. Boo was right there with him, acting like she had been there for quite a while. Given how close they always were, I hope this means she was with him through it all.

I started 2017 with three cats. On 18 April, we lost Jimi. And today, 21 July, we lost Roo. Since we moved to these apartments, we've lost two cats. I'm trying not to see a pattern. I'm also trying not to see that I lost Jimi a week before I started at GSU and Roo a few days short of my 3 month anniversary there. I'm trying to tell myself it's bad luck piling on top of bad luck. Correlation, not causation.

But I cannot take much more of this. We only have Boo left. I'm thanking every deity I can think of that she's always been healthy as a horse, but then, until the flea anemia, so was Roo. I can't take any more of this. I just can't.
apollymi: Stitch looking shocked and dismayed, text reads "Oh noes!" (L&S**Stitch: Oh Noes!)
I swear, I am actually getting sleep (somewhat) on these days when I'm not at work. Okay, I got sleep yesterday, but not so much today, since I drove [personal profile] katsuko into work. And since I can't quite seem to get drifted off tonight, I don't think I'll have a lot before going into work on Monday. Oh well, lots of caffeine will have to do the trick. I think I can handle that.

I'll have to handle it.

It was a fairly decent writing day, for all that I spent it bouncing between Panera Bread restaurants, drinking way too much hot tea and trying to stay awake. Granted, I didn't get as much writing done today as I should have. I didn't get enough done to make up for the couple of bad days I had Friday and yesterday. I never wrote less than a thousand words so far this month, but I've written less than my minimum of 1,613 (for 50k) and 2,097 (for 65k). I'll have at least managed that much tonight. I just won't have rebuilt my surplus that I had had going before.

I seem to have a bad case of snap, crackle, pop going with my shoulders and back. I had been going to take my laptop with me tomorrow to work, but I think I'm just going to stick to my regular purse and iPad instead. See if I can't cut down on my shoulder pain where I can.

And now, I haven't finished tonight's episode of Game of Thrones yet. No spoilers, please.