Early but

Monday, 8 May 2017 10:28 pm
apollymi: Steve & Danny hugging, text reads "Stop breaking my fucking heart" (H50**Steve/Danny: Stop breaking my ❤)
[personal profile] apollymi
It's like super early for going to bed, but I'm so freaking tired that bed is not far away. I'm not sure that I'm going to hit 1000 words today, even with the words I have handwritten, but I guess that might be okay. It's not a hill I want to die on today, if nothing else. So I'm going to type this up, type up what I handwrote at work today, and then go the fuck to bed.

I'm a little frustrated with all the things I'm working on, actually. I have a list of complaints, even. Wicked Ones was easier to work on before the characters made up and started getting along. Damning the Devil is at a full stop, to the point it's being plundered for ideas for other stories. Memento Mori is fighting me hard, but it's not ready for a scene change yet. Lev7 is pretty much at a standstill, because while we might have the entire first job mostly sketched out, it's very rough and I'm not sure how to get from where we are to where we need to be. Monstrous: After Midnight is fighting me, in part because the bits I'm working on are the final battle, and I blow at fight scenes, I really do. Resurrectionist is giving me relationship fits, because I actually have developed so much love for the Goody/Faraday pairing at the beginning that I'm sorta "meh" on it ever turning OT4 at the end... though the threesome that will end up ensuing later on still makes my fucking day so much.

And even though I'm the one proposing a "Aces High" challenge -- a writing challenge to come up with Mag7 fanfic where at least one of the characters is asexual -- I have no ideas whatsoever on it. I'm not even working with [personal profile] katsuko on the one she's writing.

I feel like I'm being left in the dust by everyone. I kinda hate it. At the same time, though, yeah, why not. I'm no good as a Mag7 author without [personal profile] katsuko. No one reads my YGO stuff. My crossovers are a joke. And my actual novels? Clearly worthless, given the stellar lack of sales. Why am I fucking bothering? Why do I even try, you know?

What gets comments? The stories or sections of stories that [personal profile] katsuko writes. What gets kudos? The two stories that I just consulted on. What gets the most love? The story that I've barely written on and more or less just maintain the website.

Why do I bother trying to write. Why do I bother, period, full stop.

Date: 9 May 2017 09:50 am (UTC)
sharpest_asp: Nate Ford sitting on a bench, Sophie Devereaux resting against his lap (Default)
From: [personal profile] sharpest_asp
I feel a lot of this in a way? I cowrite. The stuff with Yena is wildly popular in comparison to what I write alone. My original stuff might as well not even take up web space.

But my question to you, and this is the one that I ask myself: Do you enjoy what you write? Because I do. I write my stories as they pop in my head, love them, and then if they get kudos, I'm cool. If not... it's not the right cup of tea and I keep moving.